Wash my hands for what?

In preparation for my truimphant return to the club to begin taping for "Fly With D" the first reality show with no cameras, following one man in his search for love in the club, highlighting the ups and the downs and the lurst! From the club parking lot to the bedroom.

One of the things I can't wait for is the awkward interaction with the "washroom attendant". Me personally I feel like I'm not gonna pay you money that could be better spent on getting winehoused, or after club munchies (7-11,bojangles or waffle house) for turning on my water.
I'm not gonna pay exorbitant prices on shit like blow pops or gum or pay you to rub that fragrant oil on my clothes, or for sprays of deodorant! (I've actually seen people using the deodorant and getting "smells just like..." oils applied to them) For one I'm damn sure not gonna be in the club with moist underarms, and that oil shit, fuck outta here! and the last thing I wanna do is have a conversation, however short with anybody in the bathroom!

I hate that they have the nerve to stand in front of shit like the hand dryer, the soap dispenser or the paper towel dispenser too, like it's some kind of bathroom monopoly and if you wanna use shit, you gotta get it from him. Even though I kinda feel assholeish about using and not tipping, I just say thank you and peace the hell outta there.

I hate the ones who try and interact with me too... I plan on coming in here many times to get this liquor outta my body and I really just wanna get in and get out. Not answer your engaging questions.

"Mane, there's some hoes out there ain't it dog!
*subtly turns on water and starts dispensing towels*

Me: They out there....(why the fuck do you think I'm here!)
*shakes off and zips up and considers not washing hands to avoid further conversation*

*avoids eye contact and runs out of bathroom hands unwashed to continue debauch*


kmx. said...

I hope I don't run into any when my clubbin days get here...I would feel I lack privacy I mean people listening (maybe even watching) you take a leak...then turnin on your water, and the paper towels? I don't think so! That's super annoying.

Dallas Black said...

HA..i just stopped by to formally inform you that "winehoused" is now apart of my vocabulary. No worries...you get credit (if ppl ask) but its now in my vernacular.

Keep it hot kidd.

Dallas Black

and1grad said...

Hilarious! Me? Tip somebody for helping me wash my hands? Never. I dont even like automatic flush. Its like someone's behind you waiting for you to finish.

Demiera said...

Public restrooms are so disgusting to me. I don't think I could have left without washing my hands. That being said...

If it were me (and especially if I were drunk, and ESPECIALLY if I was pregaming Captain and turned into Captain D Money), I would have probably gotten a little violent if they didn't let me dispense my own soap. Ha!

Andre said...

You will and you're gonna have it worse...I heard they sell tampons.

@D. Black
That's what's up...use it around the finns and see if they cringe

I'm not a fan of auto flush either, I'd rather not flush or just hit the thingee with my foot.

@Capt. D $
Lol @ alias
But for guys in situations like that, if you don't piss on your hands and you're not eating, it's aight to go unwashed as long as your dick is clean. Plus womens bathrooms are always cleaner than mens right?

Jaded said...

Clearly I am ghetto as all hell. Why I ain't neva been to no club with a washroom attendant???????????

I am jealous. I want someone to give me a hot towel when I come out the stall....

queenbee said...

omg, i'm so happy somebody else feels the same way...i hate those bathroom attendants!!! i don't need you to squirt out soap and hand me a papaer towel, i'm perfectly capable of doing it on my own thank you very much pls!! ugh and i have seen some chicks use the deordorants and shit, like don't u do that after the shower???? and call me an asshole but don't give tips either lol

THE 0NE THEY AiNT USED T0. said...


love this post. you got legit laughs.

Paix, Asia Dee

Elle said...

#1 i don't care how clean your penis is... you should wash your hand... it's just good hyg.

#2 I fking hate bathroom attendants. I CAN get my own soap and paper towels no matter HOW much I drink. Don't I spend enough money in the clubs on said drinks anyway? Howdare you charge me to "rid" myself of it... f'n club haters.

#3 Those tampons come in handy sometimes...

Andre said...

Not even they be in the hood clubs sellin blunts,wraps and lookin out for the dope boys!

I'd feel super refreshed after a few drinks, if someone put a hot towel in my face... but I think the smell of boo boo might ruin it a lil bit...

And they try to be so slick with it, I knew girls be doin it too! I know somebody who's all about tippin the restroom attendant and they be in the club MUSTY , well maybe not that musty, but they have that lil puppy smell under their arms.

*smiley face*

Not really I mean, if you do one of the hands free numbers "bluetooth" and pee, then you're good.
And aww man TMI, I didn't think girls actually did that in the club!?! But I guess you gotta do what you gotta do.

hb said...

ew. that is not sanitary lol. but this post is funny :P.

on the other note...
i hate clubs in general. sweaty, drunk people everywhere. no where to breath. gotta wear heels and i can barely walk by the end of the night.

contagiouslyCRANKY said...

lol @ the fact that I ALWAYS hold convo with the bathroom attendant... slightly embarassing!!

Stew said...

that's just nasty. you gotta wash you hands at what ever cost

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