20100528

Like Pulling Teeth pt 2

You come back with a Garfield band aid on your finger and I ask you what happened and you tell me...

"Let's go outside"

My heart is racing in my stomach and a million questions are flying through my head.
"You don't want to go through with it?!" is the first thing I think, because a change of heart right now would be completely understood, followed by "Was there any complications?"
Instead of lambasting you with questions, I just wait to see what you have to say.

I listen as you tell me that you need a few things from the car because once they call you again, you'll be back there for two hours and won't be able to come back. They showed you a picture and you said it looked like a comma. I started to ask you what you wanted when you'd get out but I know you and I know that a grape fanta and cupcakes will do you just right. After getting buzzed back in we sit and I tell you that I feel like 'In elementary school when your teacher would call home and leave that message telling your mom/dad you were suspended for _____, and your mom had already picked you up and there was that window of time with that uneasy feeling before she found out.' That's how I felt now.
You scoff because you say I'm too dramatic, but I scoff right back to myself because I'm surprised because of how calm you appear, but I know that it's you 'telling silly jokes as you walk through a graveyard' because I don't think the brevity of this has hit you yet. I mean you've researched it, your friend told you about it and we've talked in length about it. But I still don't think you know....

They call your name and although I wish I could go back there with you, I can't. I have to find something to do with two hours before I can pick you up. Before I get in my car to head out I think to myself... "this is what I gave up Costa Rica for...This?" (once I got over the sadness of bot being somewhere tropical, I went to work to find a new vacation and that place was either the Dominican Republic or Costa Rica. Both relatively easy places to get to from Atlanta and with the hotel deal I found, awww shit. But when I told you about it you weren't as nearly enthralled with it as I was and when you told me "It's says it's gonna rain all week in Costa Rica. I don't wanna go somewhere rainy." I was heated because I'm like, you've only been to Chicago and Panama City and you're now scoffing at a fucking trip to Costa Rica! I knew that I'd have to forsake yet another trip and handle our situation headon.)

20100527

Like pulling teeth pt.1

You may or may not be arguing about previous ex's hanging around and waiting in the wings for the opportune time to strike. Or the need for attention from someone who is a 'real' man, but the ride will be tumultuous at best because there will be an elephant in the car with you.


The place might not be as hard to find and you might not get asked by a strange looking white woman "Are y'all heading to _____?"

But eventually you will find it. For some reason the door has a buzzer and a sign telling you to leave your cell in the car, no food allowed either. So you might have to go to the car and put that shit up, I know I did. So you go up to the counter and they'll give you a packet of information to fill out. As you take it to your seat you might scan the room. Everybody is doing there own thing, whether it's reading through a magazine they don't particularly have an interest in, staring at the floor and some of the girls jut have their heads down. But they all have that same expression on their face that says.. "How did I get here"

As we sit I see that they have a tv playing 'Divorce Court' and the case involves paternity. I think to myself, "that's kind of the wrong thing to have on right now...especially here!"
So I tune it out and assist you with your packet of info. I really only know a few ways to deal with tense situations and that's to lighten the load with a little comic relief... you know a little joke here and there. So we work through the packet fill out the questions. Watch out for the carbon copies because they'll bleed right through...too late.

After getting the packet we just wait to hear your name. The only thing that we were left with was information about what was gonna be happening to you, what to expect and aftercare and so on and so forth. We talk about everything but whats gonna happen, how I think you should be with me afterwards because who knows how you'll be feeling and I know you don't want your parents to know! In a waiting room you can't fill every minute with foolish banter so I take a look around the room and take stock of my surroundings. Some girls came with there boyfriends, so with their mothers, and one like the one in front of us, came with their fathers.

She puts her head on my shoulder to just rest while they call her name. I want to hold her hand but I can't imagine what is going through her head right now. So I just sit there and sya to myself. "It's for the best". We play 'hangman' but you give up because you say I don't play it right. Oh look, they just called your name.

You come back with a Garfield band aid on your finger and I ask you what happened and you tell me...
"Let's go outside"

My heart is racing in my stomach and a million questions are flying through my head.
"You don't want to go through with it?!" is the first thing I think, because a change of heart right now would be completely understood, followed by "Was there any complications?"
Instead of lambasting you with questions, I just wait to see what you have to say.

I listen as you tell me that you need a few things from the car because once they call you again, you'll be back there for two hours and won't be able to come back. They showed you a picture and you said it looked like a comma. I started to ask you what you wanted when you'd get out but I know you and I know that a grape fanta and cupcakes will do you just right. After getting buzzed back in we sit and I tell you that I feel like 'In elementary school when your teacher would call home and leave that message telling your mom/dad you were suspended for _____, and your mom had already picked you up and there was that window of time with that uneasy feeling before she found out.' That's how I felt now.
You scoff because you say I'm too dramatic, but I scoff right back to myself because I'm surprised because of how calm you appear, but I know that it's you 'telling silly jokes as you walk through a graveyard' because I don't think the brevity of this has hit you yet. I mean you've researched it, your friend told you about it and we've talked in length about it. But I still don't think you know....

They call your name and although I wish I could go back there with you, I can't. I have to find something to do with two hours before I can pick you up. Before I get in my car to head out I think to myself... "this is what I gave up Costa Rica for...This?" (once I got over the sadness of bot being somewhere tropical, I went to work to find a new vacation and that place was either the Dominican Republic or Costa Rica. Both relatively easy places to get to from Atlanta and with the hotel deal I found, awww shit. But when I told you about it you weren't as nearly enthralled with it as I was and when you told me "It's says it's gonna rain all week in Costa Rica. I don't wanna go somewhere rainy." I was heated because I'm like, you've only been to Chicago and Panama City and you're now scoffing at a fucking trip to Costa Rica! I knew that I'd have to forsake yet another trip and handle our situation headon.)

20100522

The Vacay

Right now I'm riding back from hartsfield international airport. If I would have been travelling alone I would probably be settling into my seat catching up on some much needed sleep, hopefully I would sleep for the whole 5 hours an wake up at Bridgetown International Airport. In Barbados. But instead I'm riding the city train back home because this girl does not understand.


Getting up to the airport was the worst thing because as soon as I saw the security checkpoint line I was like there's no way we're gonna make this flight. I really wanted to fucking scream because here I am with a suitcase full of new clothes and the mind frame that I won't be seeing Georgia for at least two weeks. So I try anyway and ask the Delta kiosk agent what we can do and she tells me....

"Check in for this flight is closed, you should've been here earlier!"

I felt that hot feeling in my body that I get when I can't find something like my keys and I really need to be somewhere, so I didn't say anything but my body language says it all to her. What really heated me up was just the lackadaisical attitude she had and her comments like..

"Well maybe we can get on the next flight"...."Well, everything happens for a reason"....."Somebody really was praying for me not to go!" "Well you can go later can't you?"


It took all the tact I could muster to not tell 'lisa'...

"Shut the fuck up, we woudn't be in this situation if you didn't wake up late, get over here late and then try to flip the script on me saying I made you fell 'flustered' by calling you multiple times and that I had a rude tone when I asked you where you were. You fucking ruined my vacation."

Add that to the fact that my little German girl got smashed on the morning before and it really makes for a cherry on a shitty sundae. Supri





20100519

Plus and minus

I can't see how a friend of mine can get away with doing it and not have any real consequences (that I know of) as soon as I start doing it, the worst possible thing happens. I've dealt with the consequences because I knew while I was doing it what could happen, but I always thought..."It just won't happen because you know, I don't want it to"
When I saw the blue cross I saw my life going down the tubes. Plans for buying a new house, plans for taking my style to the next level and even future relationships that I will be involved in. All sullied.

I freaked the hell out and so did you.

I don't see how you can really be happy about this or see it as a blessing because it really isn't. Yeah you tell me 'thousands of people do it and they do just fine.' I just don't think you undderstand what you are getting into. I'm sure if those same "thousands of people" had the opportunity to make the decision I want to make, they would.


I guess we're both being selfish and trying to convince each other to see things from a different point of view. I think scorpio's like myself are generally stubborn people, and sweetheart my feet are stuck in the sand. I'm not buddging on this and I know that beneath your moral grandstanding and woe is me talk, you know what I'm saying to be true.


With all sorts of things going on right now, this really is the last thing I need. I mean shit, we're supposed to leave in two days! I'm just glad my grandmother's condition isn't as dire as it was initially explained to me.

20100517

It's getting real in the field


I woke up this morning at the crack of noon to the news from my mother that my grandmother is in the hospital ICU. After several skin grafts to her leg, it has gotten infected and it might need to be amputated. Her being a diabetic and 86 years old complicates this alot.

Thankfully she lives in London and healthcare is provided to her and she won't be drowning in medical bills.


The choice really shouldn't be that hard to make as I'm leaving for Barbados on saturday, I could forgo my vacation and travel to London and do the right thing instead of sending her flowers and get well foolishness; I myself could be the actual rose and she would be able to see me. Part of me wants to do that because I know it's the right thing to do and God forbid I be put in a situation where something happens to her and I chose to lay up on a beach with a girl who I feel like I love but know in my heart of hearts that there's definitely a countdown on our relationship.

The other part of me says
"You can do both, I mean you can afford to do both and you can tell the YMCA about the situation and they will have to understand. You get paid at this valeting every night in cash and you could absorb a hit like that financially." As selfish as that sounds I want to go on vacation, but how good of a time can I really have knowing that I'm having fun in the sun, with my grandmother on a respirator.

Either way, I don't want to make the wrong choice. On one hand I've got a girlfriend who just got her passport, has never been anywhere but Florida and is really psyched about going with me. Even though I know if we don't go she'll be very disappointed and I hate more than anything to disappoint anyone, but at the same time I know that if she feels for me the way she says she does, she will understand the brevity of the situation.

Add that to the fact that seeing my mother she tells me " ....You don't want to wait 'till someone passes to honor them and wish you would've seen them. That's something that you will never forgive yourself for."


20100511

Two tickets to paradise





The only thing that would make this better is female compainionship and I can think of like 3 girls I'd like to be here with but oh well right?


I leave for Barbados in about a week or so and I feel like I should be more excited. I mean I've got a girlfriend who's really good to me despite the fact that she thinks I'm too lursty and used to dating/being with whores who want sex everyday. I don't think sex is something that can be left out of any relationship, so I don't know where things are gonna go...Well I do but what can I really do? I don't want anything like that, that's not freely given. However; I do plan on enjoying the time we spend.


Even though my job with Emory gave me the axe, (no body spray) I managed to get put on valeting at a popular Atlanta night club. The hours are crazy but I get paid in cash and get to flirt with fellatious women all night.


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