Plus and minus

I can't see how a friend of mine can get away with doing it and not have any real consequences (that I know of) as soon as I start doing it, the worst possible thing happens. I've dealt with the consequences because I knew while I was doing it what could happen, but I always thought..."It just won't happen because you know, I don't want it to"
When I saw the blue cross I saw my life going down the tubes. Plans for buying a new house, plans for taking my style to the next level and even future relationships that I will be involved in. All sullied.

I freaked the hell out and so did you.

I don't see how you can really be happy about this or see it as a blessing because it really isn't. Yeah you tell me 'thousands of people do it and they do just fine.' I just don't think you undderstand what you are getting into. I'm sure if those same "thousands of people" had the opportunity to make the decision I want to make, they would.

I guess we're both being selfish and trying to convince each other to see things from a different point of view. I think scorpio's like myself are generally stubborn people, and sweetheart my feet are stuck in the sand. I'm not buddging on this and I know that beneath your moral grandstanding and woe is me talk, you know what I'm saying to be true.

With all sorts of things going on right now, this really is the last thing I need. I mean shit, we're supposed to leave in two days! I'm just glad my grandmother's condition isn't as dire as it was initially explained to me.

party everyday, live forever?

"If you spent as much time and focus in school as you did these girls and other shit you'd be done by now!"

-Nadia

But to tell the truth that's like the majority of my life... I kind of feel weirded out when on the rare occasions I'm on facebook because I see these chicks in their kente grad robes smiling like they're happy to be alive and holding up their bachelor of interior decorating/ psychology/ sociology/marketing/public relations/human resources degrees, and I feel like since I just recently got my associates , I'm behind the curve and shit. But fuck it, I mean I'm not in any race with anybody, we just chose different paths.

I got a letter that made me do some soul searching... well not really soul searching but just questions I'd have to ask myself, and it like left me flustered after I read it. It really was about being reminded of watching what you do, cause this world ain't that big.

''.....don't run through tons of girls

trying to do everything you can

before you turn 25.''

Sometimes people can really shoot arrows and hit the mark. I showed my homegirl and she was all about it for real. But even when I was very close to actually getting a 'party everyday, live forever' tattoo, 'this was feb' 2008 in jacksonville and I was in the shop ready to go'

I know you can't be trying snatch em if you're over a certain age, because dudes like that end of as dudes in the club looking like chaperons and shit in their suede kangol hats and matching velvets suits on, with white k swiss' on. That can't be me. and contrary to what my tattoo would've said, you can't party forever. But at the same time, I'm in no hurry to get married and waiting in the mean time would suck. I've said before marriage is like a ball and chain and I think that at my age there's no way I could find "that one television program to watch all my life"

Is that selfish?

This douchebag I knew from when I was just outta high school, rolls up to kick it and smoke in his scrubs and brags how he's a orderly...

Me: So you're a orderly?

Yeah

Me: Like the fat boys in that movie?

and him and his fiance are doing this, and that and he can't wait to be married and have his kid, how it's the best thing that ever happened to him, yada yada yada I told him cool, but I like to think that he was full of shit. Among that he was just talking to hear himself speak, but he asked me where did I see myself at age 40 and I was like...

'Living in Barbados or maybe Cost Rica... retired, working on my novel that I've been working on for years, running errands around the island in a german car, eating good and just tending to my garden where I'm growing herbs and potent marijuana and...

Alexis: You're not gonna be married or have any kids?!?!

Me: *kanye shrug*

Marco Polo

I used to make fun of my dog Smitty for the exact thing I'm about to do. Smitty is 26 years old and he used to mess with a 19 year old chick. Me and Lloyd used to give him so much shit about it.

"This dude's biological clock is about to explode"
"He's gonna poke holes in the condom"
"What future can you really have with her, I mean you were a senior when she was in elementary school "(not exactly true but funny)

But that was mostly when it was me and Lloyd and Smitty and we were talking about these girls...But when it was just me and Smitty, we'd have serious talks about all sorts of shit and he'd be like "I don't know what it is about her, I just wanna be with her...plus there's nothing like 19 year old coochie!"

I'm only 23 not 26 and this chick is 20 not 19.

I just finished hanging out with her and it so crazy how blunt she is about what she wants "I feel like I could see myself with you" "I look forward to the time we're gonna spend" and "please... just don't hurt me... all I want is time and communication"
and I mean I feel like...

"She's cute, a scorpio, doesn't have any kids, she DJ's and she's all about some me... why not?"

For about 4 and 1/4 years strong, I've been trying to jump up and down with copious amounts of chicks, and the exceptional young ladies who I really wanted to be GF/ BF with, there was always something in the way like getting pregnant by some blow pop duck ass dude cause we aren't "together",lack of initiative on my part/her part, geography kept us apart and suprisingly, this blog. So why the fuck not, I mean it would be very regressive(?) if I just came back down to Atlanta and tried to make every night Valentine's day.
So IDK, could it be?
I'm just gonna play it by ear and try and stay up.

The way it is

"Listen up people don't stand to near I've got something that you all should hear, holy matrimony's not for me, rather die alone in misery"
Everytime I talk to my dog about girls and meeting new chicks I always feel like I'm defending my actions... I mean I believe that at 22 years of age, marriage is like a ball and chain, but companionship is hella cool or whatever right? So how the hell are you gonna find it unless you mingle and hang out with and assortment of different girls. So I try and tell my boy that and he's not tryna hear it, but this dude is married with a beautiful daughter, who I'm kinda like the Co-godfather and another child on the way. So I tell him his opinion is irrelevent, cause he's out of the game and doesn't know what's goin' on in the streets. Plus at one time he was just like me and right there with me tryna quench his lurst, but I guess he matured on my immature ass huh? But me I'm in these streets so to speak.
I know that the average girl wants to have fun, doesn't want to get married and doesn't want to be seen as a slut, she just wants a good looking, drama free, intelligent man, who's got something going for himself, or at least appears to have something going for himself. I'm all that I like to think, So knowing that I feel like there's not much he can tell me... so we argue back and forth about it being fucked up that I go out with girls and have no intention of really settling down, you don't respect yourself and you look for girls who don't respect themselves either... but I tell him he's so got me fucked up... it's called COURTING and when a guy and a girl have a physical attraction to each other... things happen so you can't say I have no morals and neither does she. Plus how can you know who you are meant to be with if you don't actively search... I mean you could wait on fate to bring you together. But I think that lurst will get to you before fate does! Like I always say Lurst is a bitch, and she's real persistent and can make you do some wild shit! But that's just what's goin on with me right about now... and now I have to help paint his living room "Dorito nacho cheese brown", his house is actually very nice but I think his fireplace is in the wrong place and he needs to adjust the focal point, but what do I know?