All the hipsters love N*E*R*D / Centure 22

So the clouds become dark and the sky becomes blue and n*e*r*d hits the stage! They came and ripped it with "anti matter" and mufuckas lost their damn minds...crowdsurfing, skanking all that. I man I'd be taking pictures and just get kicked in the head by some mufucka crowd surfing. I saw this one chick just get dropped...hard. So pharrell saw it too and he was like "yo..I don't care how drunk you are, but when you got somebody crowdsurfing you hold them the fuck up!"

All in all it was a cool ass show...I shoulda went to the after party but I met up with my light skinned homeboy "J-wiggla" who has turned into a full blown "blipster", from the blazers to the buddy holly glasses. We went to ihop and they handed out Centure 22 t-shirts. J Wiggla and his cuz started a exclusive collection called "centure 22" it's pretty dope, and from talking to them about it, they don't want it to be a clothing line more of a lifestyle brand. So yeah... check it out www.centurexxii.com

I found out super late about the launch party at commonwealth of "play cloths" the clipse's foray into high end street couture. So I check up on it online and find out it starts at 8. So that to me means fallin off in there at like 9, 9:30. My light skinned bro J calls me as I'm like 2 blocks away and is like "you see this line outside? I'm not fucking with this shit"

I mean the line outside that shit wasn't that that long but it was cold as fuck and that wind was bitin out there..I mean it's the kinda cold you could be talking to someone and step out into it, and forget what you were talkin about!

So we go to ihop again and I talk fashion with his cousin evrything from creating a symbol, to PF Flyers.

So we leave and I ride past commonwealth and see no line so I pop in. It's like "hipsters, blipsters and whipsters oh my" in there. So I talk with a few people and check out "play cloths" which is dope BTW and I turn my head and see Pusha T, Shae and Famlay. Now I'm no groupie ass star struck dude or whatever but I fuck with these dudes shit and it's crazy to see them... I told JP that and her jaded mark ass said "Umm...welcome 2 Va. If its not one of thm, it Angel Lola Luv's @ss somewhere."

All in all a pretty cool night.


Working on Thanksgiving!

I had to work on Thanksgiving which kinda sucks, especially since I'm working with the cooks for "mess duty"
The ship went all out for it and so did I. I wore my "birth control glasses" and so did this chick who I work with...we were bro and sis...how lame are we?

I shined up a shit load of apples and they all got thrown away, along with the ginormous turkey...

My bro smitty just finshed eating and that "itis" hit him as he tried to run from the camera...his waves were in effect though...

Hope everyones was great and stuff...


A 2L;2R saturday night!

My dog smitty came out aftr a looong hiatus from going out.... I mean I missed going out with him.. He's a smoove ass dude and even though he steals girls from you while your dancing it's all to the good cause that's his thing. Plus he advanced of the Navy advancement exam so it's all to the good. So this Bey song comes on I like a lot, I hear it and I'm just like "zamn" (it's got a real hard beat, and the only lyric I know is "been locked up in the house too long") came on and we hit the dance floor like a storm. So we danced with two chicks from that, one was light, the other was dark. The dark chick was pressin the hell out of me. I didn't mind but I'm all like it's early and shit and I don't wanna just go for the first thing, cause she really was just "aight" and so was her light skinned friend but I mean I know I can do better but she had a nice body and she could move....

So I see omari in the "vip" section with some people sje came with so I start to go and say what's up and the dark skinned chick comes up behind me like "you still got a dance for me?" so we talk and exchange a little info, but I still wanna see what's up with omari... so I make it up to "vip" and this red head that apparently came with omari comes up tryna take my scarf/fuck with me, So I'm like "I'll fight you for this!"
Redhead:bring it on!

We dance and omari is clearly endorsing this girls openly slutty behavior...

so just from being with "mary jane" for a little bit I can see she's all about some andre. I kind of felt bad leaving my dog smith out there alone while I'm getting my save the last dance on, so I look down at the "regular/non-vip commonfolk" and I smiled like a proud father when I saw "smitty" with a chick badder than cocaine.

"Mary Jane" thinks her ride has left her so I let her use my phone to call them, so I hit the dance floor and with my peripherals I see the dark skinned chick from before watching my every move so I do the "come hither" and we dance and I'm like...
"Why don't you have my number yet?"
Christine or christina I don't remember: *pulls out phone* I don't know
Me: that's wack...If you can remember my name you can have my number
Christine/christina: Andre!

So I put it in her phone and she calls me right then on the dance floor (which I kinda don't like, now I see what Eb was chatting bout before in her list...)
And lo and behold "mary jane" picks up and is like "Where's andre yada yada" and christine/ christina is lookin at me like WTF! So I analyze the situation...I could

A. Go get my phone from "mary jane" and see what's up with christine/ christina... or

B. peace out on christina/ christine and most likely end up going home with "mary jane" that night or sunday afternoon and doin the booty. So I choose the later cause I'm a sucker for green eyes.

So coming out the club with "mary jane" I see smitty walking off with that same bad ass chick from before and I'm just like "that's my dog"

So I make it back to my car solo dolo ("mary jane" didn't have her keys or her phone they were all in her rides truck) and I see a infiniti truck parked next to my baby. So I walk up and lo and behold it's "smitty" and "cocaine chick".

So he hops out and she drives of after giving us a cute little wave...and my bro looks mad for some reason...
Me: what happened?

Smitty: Man all in there she's all up on me, I'd dance with other girls and shed tap me and pull me back and tell me "you can dance good" she put my hands all on her and all that. So we leave and she asks me to walk her to her car...so we get there and she tells me how she's married and her husband is deployed and after she says that.... I don't hear shit else...and she had the nerve to say "oh I'm not gone talk to you now cause you mad now huh?"

I'm hot the most about it cause I wasted my time...if we woulda just stuck with the light chick and the dark chick we prolly coulda been into something!

Me: *smiles* welcome back to the club!


Re:Shmack modeling

-----Original Message-----
From: shmackintern
Date: Fri, 21 Nov 2008 15:50:13 -0500

Thank you again for coming out to the Shmack casting call for the Perky Turkey Fashion Show. I regret to inform you that you were not chosen for this particular show. Please keep in contact with Shmack as we will have more fashion shows in the future.

Thanks again,

Shmack Team

Fuck modeling anyways, it's for gay guys and stuck up hoes!!! But I'm not bitter at all...not. one. bit....

I'm interested to see who they did choose though...so I will be at the "perky turkey fashion show" and judging very harshly!

All lot of shit happened though, went to the "play cloths" launch party, saw chilly willy and "bust the windows out your car girl", jumped with a red head with green eyes, played ultimate frisbee...so yeah...


A Model Idiot

I was super nervous on my way to the casting call...I felt ridiculous and not like a model at all, I wish I woulda worn shmack but I didn't wanna seem like a douchebag... Fuck!

So I get outside the shmack factory and I call the number and go up and knock on the door. I see this cute chick and I come in and we start talking about my nervousness, how I thought it was gonna be like Janice D. and how she got to be a Shmack intern she was like

"I studied graphic design and things just worked out...

So I was like "you know who's a sick ass designer? Jeff Ward...!"

"You wanna see the design room and check out some stuff upstairs?"

Me:"Hell yeah"

So I follow her upstairs to the "inner workings" of shmack clothing and like I always say "You talk about shit, and you start to smell it" who do I run into...Jeff Ward and the founder of shmack Todd Askins... So I continue on with her, drink one of the redbulls (I don't even drink redbull, but it tasted better cause of my surroundings) and she shows me where they're working on T.I's new clothing line "Akoo"...no comment...(well, fuck that...Tip stick to rapping dog and just wear hot shit! See Shady LTD, Boushe, Derrtywear,Outkast Clothing Company, 8732, State Property, Pastry's.)

New Shmack designs for the fall/spring 2009 line (bananas)
and I ran into another intern I first met at the sample sale and saw again at the blend fashion party. She remembered my face from the party!

So I left from there feeling pretty good because I put all my eggs in this modeling basket and if it doesn't work out... look for me on craigslist under Norfolk Craigslist>Escorts>M4W only 80 roses ladies for a night with Picasso!


Shmack Model Casting Call for Fashion Show!

From: Mikasa La'Charles
To: Nestle Snipes
Subject: RE: Shmack Model Casting Call for Fashion Show!
Date: Tue, 18 Nov 2008 10:03:31 -0500


Thank you for your interest in the fashion show! Please come to our
casting call today from 5-7pm at 520 Viking Dr, Virginia Beach, VA

Once you are outside please call 757 555 1366 so that we can let you
into the building.



It may be automated or whatever but I'm on my way there now and I feel so nervous...I remember being home watching Janice Dickenson Modeling marathons with my homegirl and after about 4 solid hours I said to her...

Me: *gleam in my eye as I see myself in some Aussiebums, or Polo* you know I think I could be a model!

Yeah! you do have some real pretty hands and feet for a guy...

Me: *feeling like cold water has been dashed on me* "I meant like a real model asshole!"

Look at them and look at you... you could be a model for nastyman gear


But beyonce says to do it!

It's crazy the people you meet in bars... "omari" a fellow scorpio had her birthday on the 12th, so of course she wanted to go out on Friday!
We went to Guadalajara's which I haven't been back to since going there with "Jazzy Girl" on Cinco de Mayo *shudder* anyways, she met these two chicks (the other chick would always disappear and then reappear outta nowhere) and this one dude while waiting for me to get there.

They were cool as shit and right off the back I told this chick she looked like Meadow Soprano...
Then things got kinda weird, they took us to this bar in this hotel their friend 'tended at and told me and "omari" like "We can go here and drink free yada yadda..." So we get to the bar and say our what's up and get ready to order and "omari" is like..

"can I get a skyy screwdriver"

Bartender tom : ugggh *visibly disgusted by her choice of vodka* We don't carry skyy, we have absolut, I could make you something with a quality vodka.
(in my mind I was like WTF!!! I'd use both of those to clean wounds and bomb establishments in riots...they're both shitty vodkas, fuck are you really saying man!)

So after he got over his initial rudeness, he turned out to be a pretty cool, though catty as a mufucka but cool nonetheless, he had us gone off these shots he was makin and this magical iced tea liquor called "firefly" which I'm strongly thinking about endorsing in my reality show airing on Oxygen in the near future.

So our belly's are full of liquor and bartend tommy puts a black leather check binder in front of us....


Now I'm not a cheap guy and I have no prob paying for my shit, cause I damn sure was drinking it, but y'all were kicking it to me like shits on the house. So I peep the bill and it says...

For five people drinking copious amounts of alcohol the charge was only $6.25... I can get jiggy with that shit, so I threw in $6 and so did pretty much errbody else. So I see dude open up the lil book and make a face like "oh is that all...."

After that we ditched them in this tavern in downtown va beach, went to Ihop and dissected that rude bartender for being a ungrateful douche, and skipped outta Ihop before our food came, saw a cool statue...

talked about her plans for "bronze-ing" her hair ala J.Lo...
Just enjoying being young and being alive/winehoused!

Saturday was chill, I spent it morningtime playing Gears of War 2 over the "McCain 2012 wireless network" which is how we connect our sexbox 360's from my shop to my buddy from rhode island's shop...No wires... very nice!

Went to Arychtexas's house and got treated to a belated/heartfelt dinner of delicious chinese cuisine over talks of gays right to marriage, and the morality of abortion.

Was supposed to meet "omari" at my official downtown norfolk spot, entourage. But she stayed in the popular clear bar Scotty Quiks...So I went out with Lloyd and the club was full of square ass dudes, so we shut it down...

Highlights include, but are not limited to...

*dancing with a this one chick for about 5 solid reggae songs, I'm talking dick "harder than termite teeth", passa passa grinding , booty grippin, dick grabbing, face to face "dancing"... so I shoot for the number chick is like "I'm married" LMAO

* Pulled a white chick who's an alleged music producer of some sort and during the "club courtship" I asked her to dance. This chick proceeds to combine mitsubishi commercial girl, elaine benice's "little kicks" dance, Cameron Diaz's charlie's angels "booty dance" and the official white girl "hands on the knees "teabag" /drop it down low- then bring it back up" all into a smorgasbord of akward terrible, terribleness. Then she started waving her arms and doing that hold your hands by your head and snap your fingers then like snake your head and neck (hard to describe but y'all know what I'm talking about!) Black girls are looking at me like "look at this Seal/Charles from madea ass nigga here!" dudes are giving me "commiserating looks" that say "You gotta do what you gotta do!" but I'm winehoused and slighty lursty so I just pull her to me and we do my dance...

* like the title says I think Beyonce only wants the girls to "pat their own weaves" Apparently it's frowned upon when a guy does it! I'm dancing with this light skin chick with a head full of "cherokee/apache/spanish heritage" and following Bey's words: Cooling off, watching her walk, touching our heels/toes. Then I pat her weave and chick spazzes thee fuck out! Kinda assholeish..but still LMFAO


Yuppie + good cause = ART!!!

In an attempt to make my real life a "stumbleupon" I was downtown enjoying the full moon and wishing I was a vampire as I happened to walk past this building the "monticello arcade" a building with guys stacking cans. I see them and I'm like "it's probably a food drive but knowing these yuppies they're tryna make art out of it!" So said, so done. I see this sign....
I walk in and all these people are hard at work, getting the cans just right and lining up, and checking the diagrams and whatnot...It's called CANstruction and it's not just humane...it's modern, hip, aesthetically pleasing AND humane!


A day in the life of 23 years

1st. "Omari" came out on saturday for winehousing and wine up. She is bad. I mean like cocaine bad, and it felt damn good to walk in the club with her and just see faces rearrange, my homeboy Lloyd and his peoples nods of approval. BUT she's talkin that boyfriend jazz one minute (you should meet him, he's really cool) and the next she's all about me(leg up, her lil' tap of booty in hand and me "wine pon dem gal" on the dance floor). I mean if I was a man of scruples and didn't have a "black heart of gold"

1 1/4. But I also think while I was walking and talking with her that... "Damn this girl is fuckin sexy"but I can do better. I can have a chick that looks gooder than or equal to, and she could be all mines" Why must I always want the maximum

1 1/2. I wore a cardigan in the club. Even though it was hot as fuck, I just choose my songs/girls to dance with wisely. I don't wanna be in there with a ph-olo shirt like every other dude. Like "arychtexas" has told me... "Us dark skinned dudes can't just be in there looking mediocre, we gotta go the extra mile!"

3. Why the fuck can't I comment like crazy from my Sidee? What the hell is really going on here.. Errytime I try and submit the comment, it's like the page just reloads

4. Friday nights in Va are so hit or miss! and last friday was certainly a miss... Didn't really get to crazy I just did some short-short long all night...very nice!

7. Soul Men is a hilarious! I normally don't get down with movies like that, and went in with low expectations, but as soon as I walked in and heard Sam J. saying "muthafucka" and start yellin... I lost it. I went and saw it with "Toya" the girl who masks promiscuity in the guise of a relationship... .

11. Because said friday was a miss I'm back at her place and we're in her room all touchy feely (Sowwy J*Did your sound practical "sisterly" legal advice is no match for the lurst on a friday night)and it's about to go down. She kinda stops and looks at me and is like...

"so are you gonna be my man?"

*I had a JD/ Zack Morris, stop time moment/dream sequence where I got out of bed and paced around with a woody and am like "Why the fuck would she ask me this NOW?!!?" then I climbed back next to her and I said*

Me: It sure looks like it.. giggiddy giggiddy goo

*face slap*

Back to reality...

Me: It ain't even a question (which is not even an answer)

12. I officially am endorsing Trojan Climax Control condoms alongside the longtime sponsor of my lurst filled nights, Trident Tropical Splash (the orange pack). The last girl I jumped with, it ended with me putting my clothes on in the deafening silence of an unsatisfied woman without a chance to redeem myself in round 2 (because that first one was a wash the second was gonna be the killa). Anyways as soon as put it on and I got into it, I knew she was in trouble, I felt like Ricky Bobby "goin fast" again. Slayage... But the million dollar ? is will I get dependent on these condoms?

13. A quenched lurst at night trumps an akward morning.

15. I was walking to my car from the mall and was saying "uggggnnnhh" as in like the song"ungggggnhh me so horny". For some reason it was just cracking my shit up. (I'm 23 I gotta leave that childish shit behind right?) So I'm walking and saying "uggggggnnnnhhh" and just laughing like a fool... till I hear keys jangling not too far behind me... I turned to look at her but for some reason she avoided eye contact! So I tried to turn my laughing into a cough but from how far we were from the exit, I knew she had been following me for the whole entire time, and who knows what she was thinking.

16. Waffle house isn't just good food. It's good food for the soul.

18. I've got a severely nasty mean spirit sometimes...I mean in situations were a kind word would make things smooth over, I say fuck that and "tell the person about themselves / ridicule to make myself feel better. My homegirls 1 semester of psych, tell her I only do it because it was done to me, and with the roles reversed I don't know how to act!

18.5 That was told to me by a girl who's supposed to be celibate (I believe she is she's been around the block and she is pretty much the block, but she's still keut though) but met some dude at the bar and took him home and let him titty fuck her. She called me and told me that, I wanted to laugh in her face and cuss her out so bad! So don't try to tell me nothing you fucking hypocrite!

19. I went to see a girl from New York and I looove her accent. She's from strong island and talks like R to the E-Z. She doesn't just say "wow" she drags it and says "whooooooow". She told me I was packin' and I said "where am I going?"

21. She looks so cute and innocent but she's getting baaaaaadI hung out with a two good friends turned bloggers "arych" and his wife and daughters and "tharula". We watched "sex and the city" which IMHO is a terrible movie, I mean I couldn't even really enjoy the movie past that one homely girls insanely long neck, the one who looks like...anyways I knew how it was gonna end as soon as she told her husband that bullshit.

22. The more and more I listen to Santogold the more and more I like her voice! I wish I had GF who talked like santogold... I'd stay up late with her and wake up early to breakfasts of mango chutney on Thomas' English Muffins!

23. Feels like this is gonna be a great age for me y'alls!!!


Shmack / Blend party duex!

The shmack x blend fashion party was pretty tight... I drank vodka and redbull cola's, which is crazy because I didn't even know redbull made cola now... how late am I? The DJ came with it (he even played "Day and Night" zaaaamn....) I met a interestingly keut white chick named "kasey with a K"... I did the percolator... The man behind the freaky paintings... Jeff Ward, he's a beast with his designs and just as lursty as me! But unlike me he lures ladies with his artistic talents, while I use my prose to invoke images of "early sunday mornings post-coitus pillow talk, feeding each other kiwi and seedless grapes"
The first print I bought "Snow Bite" The origal was only $200... If I had it like that... it woulda been copped son!
Second painting I got... I wanted to ask him to sign it, but that would've seemed kinda douche-ish to me cause I mean we were choppin it up real cool like...
I'm not sure who did this but I'd love this in my room/house/dorm room.
Jesus loves you/ welcomes you to the virginia beach strip don't forget it...

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