How Andre met Lloyd pt.3 Lurst in Translation

So we're in the raft on our way there and I'm scared as shit, I mean I can swim and all but the thought of what's under this lake plus it was a little nippy outside too and I had on my new puma's too... so after what seemed like a eternity we get across the river.
So we debark and after a short walk we get to the get together spot, which is a pretty impressive raging fire with fallen trees well worn from many a ass sitting, kinda like the campsite from "Are you afraid of the Dark." Plus it had those real comfortable collapsible camping chairs. A cooler full of beer, and munches and two three person tents. So we all sit around the fire and have our palaver.
Now as our hosts sit down they all crack a beer and offer one to me and "southstar". I can't stand the taste of beer, unless it's some real shit like Smirnoff ice or mike's hard something. So I'm like
"aww nah, heh heh I had to much to drink already, I don't think my stomach could take it!"
Corn fed white boy (CFWB) 1: That's good cause bias the perfect thing for that!

Corn fed white boy (CFWB) 2: yeah have a bia!
*cracks one and hands one to me and lloyd*

I felt like Jake in the Monte Carlo with Denzel...I gotta think quick cause I know how serious white people take drinking beer. So I take it and all their blue eyes were on me as I brought it to my lips and took a fake (but very convincing) swig.
So I peep how dark it is and I just start pouring it out as I set it by my side, and after they see me "kill" that first one, they're just feeding me "bia's". But fuck that shit, "southstar" can drink them "bia's" but jeremiah is gonna stay woke.
So they tell me how for the guys the only thing to really look forward to is lobster season for the money you get for catching lobster cause it's like a family business for some, and the money the tourists bring in during lobsterfest. Cause people come down from places like Canada just for it. Nicole was like it sucks cause girls had to look forward to being fishermans wives if they were fucking with a dude who's dad was a fisherman.
I regale them with tales of life at sea, exotic women of the middle east, and me and "southstar" just tell 'em how it is in the ATL (lloyd's a DSGB for real, it's crazy cause he grew up right across the street

from my duplex on 741 English Ave in downtown atlanta, which is fully furnished with appliances, minutes away from CAU and the dome and perfect for the young professional or college student.

So now the fire is winding down. And it's getting kinda chilly out for reals, but my lurst is still a raging inferno. so CFWB1 is like "I'm gonna turn in" and we all head to the tents. I'm like "where are me and "southstar" gonna sleep?" Nicole takes my hand and leads me to a tent with one of the CFWB's in it already laying down. So in this 4 person tent it's "southstar" with a blanket on my right, nicole on my left sharing a comforter with me and a CFWB in a sleeping bag on nicole's other side. So as soon as we lay down and our under the covers, the lurst makes a puppet of my body. So we're under this comforter just hunching, kissing and rubbing like we're teens at a church lock in. So our mucking about, her moaning and our heavy breathing finally disturbed the CFWB and he was like "I'm leaving to get some sleep"

So now it really goes down, she kicks the comforter back and is laying spread eagle while I play with her coochie and she's playing with "that bad boy" at the same time. So while my hand is rubbing and fingering, I feel lloyd's hot breath while he's reaching over me and his fingers touching mine down there in her bajango! I'm like "Lloyd!! Fuck are you doin!" *As I push his hands away* But not real loud cause I don't want to spoil the intimacy, when he has the nerve to say to me...
"stop hoggin' the guts!"
I don't know what to do, well I do actually cause even though she's like just laid back moaning and enjoying herself and just so ready, I can't let this continue can I? Plus with nicole stroking me, and "southstar" leaning over me to get to her goodies, its a little to close for comfort! So I strap up and roll over on top of her and jack rabbit fuck the shit outta her all while lloyd is just there looking crazy. So I put it down and we finished and I just passed the hell out and went scraight to sleep. So I wake up before everybody in our tent with morningwood harder than termite teeth! Nicole is knocked the fuck out and I'm soo ready. So I fake yawn and stretch under the comforter and stuff trying to nudge her awake.
Nothing.
I try the old "rub it on her booty"
Nothing
So I lay down and close my eyes and wake up around the time everyone else is. I've got that gunk in my eyes from sleeping in my contacts so I walk with "southstar" to the rivers edge and wash my face and pee like a wildman. So while I'm "washing" my face Lloyd charges me up like...
"I can't believe you cuffed them guts last night!"
Me: Fuck are you talkin about? You shoulda just put it on her shoulder or something.
"But you slapped my hand away"
Me: I did, didn't I?

After refreshing and relieving ourselves in the muddy banks..we just stood and enjoyed the early morning light hitting the water. It truly was a beautiful sight.
So the CFWB's are paking there stuff away cause they're just gonna go across the lake and stay in the cabin over there. So we all pile in the boat and it seems worse because I can actually see how much the boat dips with nicole,lloyd the two CFWB's and myself in the boat. I mean the waterline was like 6 inches from the lip of the boat. We get halfway across and this boat comes flying down the water like 30 yards away and that wake looks like it's gonna tip us! It doesn't but it's still scary as hell.
So we get back to the car and on the ride down nicole was telling me how she's not normally like that she just got caught up in the moment..yadda yadda yada

So she drops us off at her house for us to walk back to the ferry. On the way back we walk past the Lobsterfest Parade, criticizing the sea godesses and stuff and we haven't stopped walking since....
-Fin


Pictures of the raft ride, lloyd in the tent lookin like shawn kemp and the car ride back

Pictures of the lobsterfest sea goddess parade and shriners

How Andre Met Lloyd pt.2 : Paradise Lurst

I tell Lloyd about missing the ferry and I'm like "we gotta find something now". So I'm in Terminator scan mode looking... When I spot three white chicks coming out of a bar.
1. looks butched out, piercings in her face and shit, with those JNCO jeans that make you look like your floating!

2. is pretty as hell and just looks abercrombie-ish

3 Nicole was cute and had a nice body and looked like the loose one.

I went for 3.

So I go over with the smooth talk. "My name is Jeremiah, Yeah I'm a Seal/Captain of that ship out there, Hell Yeah I've killed terrorists before..."Three Kings" was loosely based on me, I shot at Bin Laden" you know basic after club jive talk. They didn't believe any of my bullshit but they liked how I said it!
So Lloyd is lettin me do all the talking and that works fine cause liqours got my mouth on autopilot. So we all make introductions and Lloyd introduces himself as...

"J.Southstar, but you can call me southstar"

J-fucking Southstar...Lloyd!

We had talked about fake names one day at work and the theory behind them.... and when he told us that was his fake name, we cussed him the hell out. So I'm lookin at him like he's a damn fool repeating this shit to these girls!
They ask him to repeat it again to I guess see if it sounds as ridiculous as it did the first time and it does. So they invite us to a lil get together to drink beer, and us with no way back "home" have no choice but to go with the flow.
So I walk ahead with nicole and leave "southstar" to fend for himself with butchy girl and preppy chick. So we walk and rap a tad and she's like...

"I hope you don't expect anything tonight"

Me: nah. I mean you're cool and I'm cool so you know whatever right?

"Yeah"

So we finally get to nicole's house, and butch chick parts ways cause she's gotta go home. So now it's me, nicole, preppy and lloyd. Just from seeing how, preppy is kinda unintentionally blocking me by hanging around nicole, I KNOW "southstar" isn't on his job with the preppy. I'm not suprised cause I mean "southstar's" dressed like a thug (tall tee, baggy jeans) and most preppy white chicks don't go for that and she was one of them.

So we all get in the car and we begin a uphill descent into a winding pitch black mountain road with two girls we met like 45 minutes ago. We finally arrive at a lake front cabin that looks Camp Crystal Lake worthy, and there's two trucks full of white boys!---------------
So I'm like oooo-k, and assess the situation :I see these white guys in two pick up's just milling around, it's pitch black and we're in the middle of nowhere and nobody knows where the fuck we are. I check my sidekick 3...no signal. Great.
So when we get there me and "southstar" give each other a look like "oh shit", So I pull him aside and I'm like
"Whats up with your chick?"
southstar : She ain't even giving me no play, say somethin' to her!
"Like What?"
southstar: tell her I like her!

Lloyd/southstar, come on now bro! How the fuck would that shit look.

So preppy chick apparently knows one of the white boys and leaves with him... so we greet the other two white guys and they're pretty cool...or so it seems right? So I'm like "yeah wheres the get together at or whatever", and they point to a island about a 600 yards out in the middle of the lake where I can see a fire burning.
*WTF!*

Me: so y'all got a boat or something to get out there right?"
"Yeah we do." *points to a fucking canoe*

I look at that shit like there's no fucking way me, nicole, lloyd and these two corn fed white guys are getting in this damn canoe. I mean it's pitch black and it's like 3 football fields to this island! Hell nah!
The fuck I look like!

will the boys get in the canoe? will they be acosted by the two white guys? Will andre quench his lurst? Find out in How Andre met Lloyd pt.3 :Lurst in translation

Lursty and Lurstier: How lloyd met andre pt.1

I thought all there was in maine was... -people who said "baaa","caaa" and "bia" instead of bar,car and beer.
-Lobster

- white people.


I was partly right. Anyways we went there for Lobsterfest 06 in rockland, maine. A real small town and it was pretty crazy. Just showing up in the uniform got free lobsters and free drinks. I mean I'm sitting down after ordering drinks and the waitress is like "somebody ordered you a lobster and said thank you...." I get it and it's a fuckin lobster on a plate!

I'm scared to even touch this shit! So I play it cool and look at the other people eating thiers and follow suit.

Since rockland is such a small town, our huge warship can't pull in, so we have to take a ferry to and fro. The last ferry leaves for the ship at like 1:45 and if you miss it, you're SOL till like 9am the next morning. Now in a town like this there's always one spot that the youth go to. It's called the time out pub. At the time me and lloyd really weren't that cool, even though we worked together, cause the word on him was that his breath was on BROIL 24/7 and he needed to gargle with paint thinner and throw a match in his mouth! I mean we hung with mutual friends and with him hearing how I get down we just ended up going out together (the buddy rule was in effect).



So after walking to the main attraction in the town which was a Wal-Mart, and just drinking most of the day, We end up in the "Time Out Pub" which was to the 20-somethings of rockland like "The Maxx" was to Zack and the Gang. So I meet a real sexy white chick with "that baa caa bia" accent and we're just grinding away, hands goin where they please, whispering in the ear, lap dancing, kissin.... I knew for sure I was jumping that night. So the club closes and we're walking outside, I see lloyd and he sees me with chick and he knows what time it is... when all of a sudden chick sees some dude she knows and is like "OMG" and runs to him with a full body hug...



WTF!!!!!

So Lloyd sees this and I know I've got a stupid look on my face.


I know I must look even stupider when they walk off together for the parking lot.... My lurst is an inferno inside of me that refuses to not be quenched! I've gotta feed the flames somehow. It's about 1:40 when I get a call from my dog smith saying...


"Aye, where you at? You gonna miss the last ferry!"


Me: damn, it left yet?


"Yeah, I'm on it now... it's leaving now"


Me: FUCK........


With our two lursty protagonists stranded in the middle of anytown USA, with a chance at "sunshine enchantment" lost and "closing time" playing in the background. No way to get home, and a hotel out of the question. Whatever will they do?To be continued in..... Lursty and Lurstier 2:

until then some of the only surviving pictures of my lobsterfest experience