Shmack Model Casting Call for Fashion Show!

From: Mikasa La'Charles
To: Nestle Snipes
Subject: RE: Shmack Model Casting Call for Fashion Show!
Date: Tue, 18 Nov 2008 10:03:31 -0500

Hello,

Thank you for your interest in the fashion show! Please come to our
casting call today from 5-7pm at 520 Viking Dr, Virginia Beach, VA
23452.

Once you are outside please call 757 555 1366 so that we can let you
into the building.

Thanks,

MIKASA LA'CHARLES

It may be automated or whatever but I'm on my way there now and I feel so nervous...I remember being home watching Janice Dickenson Modeling marathons with my homegirl and after about 4 solid hours I said to her...

Me: *gleam in my eye as I see myself in some Aussiebums, or Polo* you know I think I could be a model!

Yeah! you do have some real pretty hands and feet for a guy...

Me: *feeling like cold water has been dashed on me* "I meant like a real model asshole!"

Look at them and look at you... you could be a model for nastyman gear

But beyonce says to do it!

It's crazy the people you meet in bars... "omari" a fellow scorpio had her birthday on the 12th, so of course she wanted to go out on Friday!

We went to Guadalajara's which I haven't been back to since going there with "Jazzy Girl" on Cinco de Mayo *shudder* anyways, she met these two chicks (the other chick would always disappear and then reappear outta nowhere) and this one dude while waiting for me to get there.

They were cool as shit and right off the back I told this chick she looked like Meadow Soprano...

Then things got kinda weird, they took us to this bar in this hotel their friend 'tended at and told me and "omari" like "We can go here and drink free yada yadda..." So we get to the bar and say our what's up and get ready to order and "omari" is like..

"can I get a skyy screwdriver"

Bartender tom : ugggh *visibly disgusted by her choice of vodka* We don't carry skyy, we have absolut, I could make you something with a quality vodka.
(in my mind I was like WTF!!! I'd use both of those to clean wounds and bomb establishments in riots...they're both shitty vodkas, fuck are you really saying man!)

So after he got over his initial rudeness, he turned out to be a pretty cool, though catty as a mufucka but cool nonetheless, he had us gone off these shots he was makin and this magical iced tea liquor called "firefly" which I'm strongly thinking about endorsing in my reality show airing on Oxygen in the near future.

So our belly's are full of liquor and bartend tommy puts a black leather check binder in front of us....

???

Now I'm not a cheap guy and I have no prob paying for my shit, cause I damn sure was drinking it, but y'all were kicking it to me like shits on the house. So I peep the bill and it says...

$6.25

For five people drinking copious amounts of alcohol the charge was only $6.25... I can get jiggy with that shit, so I threw in $6 and so did pretty much errbody else. So I see dude open up the lil book and make a face like "oh is that all...."

After that we ditched them in this tavern in downtown va beach, went to Ihop and dissected that rude bartender for being a ungrateful douche, and skipped outta Ihop before our food came, saw a cool statue...

talked about her plans for "bronze-ing" her hair ala J.Lo...

Just enjoying being young and being alive/winehoused!

Saturday was chill, I spent it morningtime playing Gears of War 2 over the "McCain 2012 wireless network" which is how we connect our sexbox 360's from my shop to my buddy from rhode island's shop...No wires... very nice!

Went to Arychtexas's house and got treated to a belated/heartfelt dinner of delicious chinese cuisine over talks of gays right to marriage, and the morality of abortion.

Was supposed to meet "omari" at my official downtown norfolk spot, entourage. But she stayed in the popular clear bar Scotty Quiks...So I went out with Lloyd and the club was full of square ass dudes, so we shut it down...

Highlights include, but are not limited to...

*dancing with a this one chick for about 5 solid reggae songs, I'm talking dick "harder than termite teeth", passa passa grinding , booty grippin, dick grabbing, face to face "dancing"... so I shoot for the number chick is like "I'm married" LMAO

* Pulled a white chick who's an alleged music producer of some sort and during the "club courtship" I asked her to dance. This chick proceeds to combine mitsubishi commercial girl, elaine benice's "little kicks" dance, Cameron Diaz's charlie's angels "booty dance" and the official white girl "hands on the knees "teabag" /drop it down low- then bring it back up" all into a smorgasbord of akward terrible, terribleness. Then she started waving her arms and doing that hold your hands by your head and snap your fingers then like snake your head and neck (hard to describe but y'all know what I'm talking about!) Black girls are looking at me like "look at this Seal/Charles from madea ass nigga here!" dudes are giving me "commiserating looks" that say "You gotta do what you gotta do!" but I'm winehoused and slighty lursty so I just pull her to me and we do my dance...

* like the title says I think Beyonce only wants the girls to "pat their own weaves" Apparently it's frowned upon when a guy does it! I'm dancing with this light skin chick with a head full of "cherokee/apache/spanish heritage" and following Bey's words: Cooling off, watching her walk, touching our heels/toes. Then I pat her weave and chick spazzes thee fuck out! Kinda assholeish..but still LMFAO

Yuppie + good cause = ART!!!

In an attempt to make my real life a "stumbleupon" I was downtown enjoying the full moon and wishing I was a vampire as I happened to walk past this building the "monticello arcade" a building with guys stacking cans. I see them and I'm like "it's probably a food drive but knowing these yuppies they're tryna make art out of it!" So said, so done. I see this sign....
I walk in and all these people are hard at work, getting the cans just right and lining up, and checking the diagrams and whatnot...It's called CANstruction and it's not just humane...it's modern, hip, aesthetically pleasing AND humane!

A day in the life of 23 years

1st. "Omari" came out on saturday for winehousing and wine up. She is bad. I mean like cocaine bad, and it felt damn good to walk in the club with her and just see faces rearrange, my homeboy Lloyd and his peoples nods of approval. BUT she's talkin that boyfriend jazz one minute (you should meet him, he's really cool) and the next she's all about me(leg up, her lil' tap of booty in hand and me "wine pon dem gal" on the dance floor). I mean if I was a man of scruples and didn't have a "black heart of gold"

1 1/4. But I also think while I was walking and talking with her that... "Damn this girl is fuckin sexy"but I can do better. I can have a chick that looks gooder than or equal to, and she could be all mines" Why must I always want the maximum

1 1/2. I wore a cardigan in the club. Even though it was hot as fuck, I just choose my songs/girls to dance with wisely. I don't wanna be in there with a ph-olo shirt like every other dude. Like "arychtexas" has told me... "Us dark skinned dudes can't just be in there looking mediocre, we gotta go the extra mile!"

3. Why the fuck can't I comment like crazy from my Sidee? What the hell is really going on here.. Errytime I try and submit the comment, it's like the page just reloads


4. Friday nights in Va are so hit or miss! and last friday was certainly a miss... Didn't really get to crazy I just did some short-short long all night...very nice!

7. Soul Men is a hilarious! I normally don't get down with movies like that, and went in with low expectations, but as soon as I walked in and heard Sam J. saying "muthafucka" and start yellin... I lost it. I went and saw it with "Toya" the girl who masks promiscuity in the guise of a relationship... .

11. Because said friday was a miss I'm back at her place and we're in her room all touchy feely (Sowwy J*Did your sound practical "sisterly" legal advice is no match for the lurst on a friday night)and it's about to go down. She kinda stops and looks at me and is like...

"so are you gonna be my man?"

*I had a JD/ Zack Morris, stop time moment/dream sequence where I got out of bed and paced around with a woody and am like "Why the fuck would she ask me this NOW?!!?" then I climbed back next to her and I said*

Me: It sure looks like it.. giggiddy giggiddy goo

*face slap*

Back to reality...

Me: It ain't even a question (which is not even an answer)

12. I officially am endorsing Trojan Climax Control condoms alongside the longtime sponsor of my lurst filled nights, Trident Tropical Splash (the orange pack). The last girl I jumped with, it ended with me putting my clothes on in the deafening silence of an unsatisfied woman without a chance to redeem myself in round 2 (because that first one was a wash the second was gonna be the killa). Anyways as soon as put it on and I got into it, I knew she was in trouble, I felt like Ricky Bobby "goin fast" again. Slayage... But the million dollar ? is will I get dependent on these condoms?


13. A quenched lurst at night trumps an akward morning.

15. I was walking to my car from the mall and was saying "uggggnnnhh" as in like the song"ungggggnhh me so horny". For some reason it was just cracking my shit up. (I'm 23 I gotta leave that childish shit behind right?) So I'm walking and saying "uggggggnnnnhhh" and just laughing like a fool... till I hear keys jangling not too far behind me... I turned to look at her but for some reason she avoided eye contact! So I tried to turn my laughing into a cough but from how far we were from the exit, I knew she had been following me for the whole entire time, and who knows what she was thinking.

16. Waffle house isn't just good food. It's good food for the soul.

18. I've got a severely nasty mean spirit sometimes...I mean in situations were a kind word would make things smooth over, I say fuck that and "tell the person about themselves / ridicule to make myself feel better. My homegirls 1 semester of psych, tell her I only do it because it was done to me, and with the roles reversed I don't know how to act!

18.5 That was told to me by a girl who's supposed to be celibate (I believe she is she's been around the block and she is pretty much the block, but she's still keut though) but met some dude at the bar and took him home and let him titty fuck her. She called me and told me that, I wanted to laugh in her face and cuss her out so bad! So don't try to tell me nothing you fucking hypocrite!

19. I went to see a girl from New York and I looove her accent. She's from strong island and talks like R to the E-Z. She doesn't just say "wow" she drags it and says "whooooooow". She told me I was packin' and I said "where am I going?"

21. She looks so cute and innocent but she's getting baaaaaadI hung out with a two good friends turned bloggers "arych" and his wife and daughters and "tharula". We watched "sex and the city" which IMHO is a terrible movie, I mean I couldn't even really enjoy the movie past that one homely girls insanely long neck, the one who looks like...anyways I knew how it was gonna end as soon as she told her husband that bullshit.

22. The more and more I listen to Santogold the more and more I like her voice! I wish I had GF who talked like santogold... I'd stay up late with her and wake up early to breakfasts of mango chutney on Thomas' English Muffins!

23. Feels like this is gonna be a great age for me y'alls!!!

Shmack / Blend party duex!

The shmack x blend fashion party was pretty tight... I drank vodka and redbull cola's, which is crazy because I didn't even know redbull made cola now... how late am I? The DJ came with it (he even played "Day and Night" zaaaamn....) I met a interestingly keut white chick named "kasey with a K"... I did the percolator... The man behind the freaky paintings... Jeff Ward, he's a beast with his designs and just as lursty as me! But unlike me he lures ladies with his artistic talents, while I use my prose to invoke images of "early sunday mornings post-coitus pillow talk, feeding each other kiwi and seedless grapes"
The first print I bought "Snow Bite" The origal was only $200... If I had it like that... it woulda been copped son!
Second painting I got... I wanted to ask him to sign it, but that would've seemed kinda douche-ish to me cause I mean we were choppin it up real cool like...
I'm not sure who did this but I'd love this in my room/house/dorm room.
Jesus loves you/ welcomes you to the virginia beach strip don't forget it...

11-07-85

Happy Birthday to me!

Going to the shmack party tonight solo..unfortunately, 'Omari' cancelled but left the window wide open for this weekend! hopefully I can squeeze her in during my winehousing of epic proportions!

It's like I went from a drought to a bountiful plenty of ladies...I now have txt harem at my disposal and I'm seriously thinking of "dooging a girl who want to have sex but she masks it by asking for monogamity and kicking the "relationship" off by fucking me, and asking for exclusivity. Lloyd already hit her and he dogged the shit out of herand I might do the same thing...but I honestly feel like a asshole while I'm doing it.

3/4 CT radient stars... I feel so special now!

Shoot your sons and chastity belt your daughter / Live on halloween!

This was my halloween costume, an arc reactor that took me stupid long to make...My dumb ass didn't have time to make a proper harness so I just went as out as a "blipster", but the arc was pretty cool though. I might actually make one properly and not rush and fuck this one up!

That boy "rell" and lloyd!

The pregame festivities!

I normally don't go to the club we went to cause it's fullo f women to old to be in this type of club and those guys who wear crushed velvet suits and burberry inspired button ups with the matching hat with some k-swiss' with baby powder all on their chest. But When in Va right?

I met this really short chocolate chick "toya" and gave her a real nice wine up, so I see lloyd shooting at her and don't think too much of it. So I ask lloyd about it
"I hit her, just tell that girl what she wants to hear and you in it."
Interesting.
I loooove being in the spot with the team, even times like now where I don't fluck with all the dudes we came with too-too tough, I know them as cool people from work and they fluck with lloyd, so it's all to the good.

I saw this beautiful girl when I came from the bathroom and it started with me telling her "I don't wanna seem like a duck ass dude or whatever but I just think you're beautiful..."
"Buffalo?!?!"
Me: No BEAUTIFUL!

And it ended with her saying "I love you, call me anytime you want" biting my ear.
I met her "oMari" at 1:45 and I'm lookin at my sidey now, and it's saying 1:32 WTF for reals but seriously I feel like this could be a jacksonville pt 2. All the criteria is the same...
1: A delightfully curvy nutrasweet pixie stick of melted twizzler sunshine enchantment.
2. A hot club lettin us sweat out the pressure and stress of the week.
3. My loose spine in effect.
Could it be like at first sight?

Sweet sassamassa I had no idear I was sweating like that... I mean I was fucking drenched!"Nigga you need to stand under some ventilation!"

The only real difference is that she's here in my territory. But I think there's a strong possibility that I don't just like her, I like her like her. I had to honestly resist the urge to ask her "What's a girl you doin in a place like this?".

Anyways....I've been in this mufucka for what seems like forever. I'm wearing this really cool sweater with buttons on the shoulder blade that is like perfect for a casual movie/lunch/dinner date, and it's like two shades of grey now cause I've been letting my spine go winin pon dem gal. It's 1:45 again and last call. The crazy thing is I met "oMari" at 1:45 and I said to her "it's 1:46 and I feel like I've been in here forever!" little did I know that time hadn't went back yet. And they're saying that they close in a hour. There's nothing but those "last call dregs" on the dance floor looking like the unstirred up kool aid at the bottom of the jug.

It's not a party till a fight almost breaks out in a 7-11! Chickenheads assemble!!!!
This one chick knocks bumps into my dog "rell" and drops her redbull and starts poppin off! He mushes her and we barely contain a "chickenhead barrage".
I'm spouting my pro mccain propaganda and these girls are just goin crazy... it's like girl world following the rules of the jungle in there. Call me crazy but I've got a little bit of liquor in me and I wanna see these girls scrap. Now a toy cop police officer is escorting the two girls who are about to get beat up by that mob to thier car.

We get back to the crib and these five girls come through so lloyd and "rell" go scraight to the rooms with their two chicks and the three others are in the living room with me and my dog "Will". They're bellyaching about they wanna go home and blah blah blah. One of 'em was vibing with me and we exchanged #'s, but the other two were all about some cockblockin', goin back to the room, knocking on the doors. Now they live like a good 45 minutes away. So I'd kinda be hot about that too, but I wouldn't fuck up the coochie. So lloyds girl, the driver comes out and tells them "I'm tryna get fucked tonight, if I was ridin' with y'all I'd wait!"

Not very classy but real as fuck!

So eventually they wore the driver down and she and 'rell's girl left without getting what they came for


4:07 finally layin down to sleep after 5 hours in the damn jungle!

The glasses kinda hide my the windows to my lurstful heart, but you can see the lurst burning in my dog lloyd's eyes!

I found a ten dollar bill while we were leaving out the club! That deserves the cheese!