The L word

I was gonna hit this one club called Arch angel in another part of town but when I got to the tube station I found out I mighta gotten stuck out there, and I'm not one to be winehoused and lost in a unfamiliar city and shit..

So I run into two random ass chicks at vauxhall station... This one had a bottle of wine and a cup like a fucking wino and she's just knocking it back...

So I ask em what's hot being all and tell them about my dillema and they're like you can come with us to my sisters rave...the area my grandparents stay is apparently a LGBT haven, and this girl comes right up to the chicks and is like

"Are you lot straight?"

So we head to the club and we're just talking and they ask me where I'm from and I'm like Atlanta

"Oooohhhh I wanna go there so bad I love TI, but I wanna wait till I turn 21"

(It seems like Atlanta is like the land of milk and honey for everybody...I mean mufuckas who are fucked up and not doin' to much in thier city will be like "yeah I'm gonna move down to atlanta make some moves and be straight down there..." I say in my head "don't think it's all starburts and skittles, Atlanta is just like NY or CA, if you don't have your shit together it'll eat your stupid ass up and spit you the fuck out!")

so anyways the dark one is choosing on me, so I'm like how old are you...

"I'll be 18 next sunday"

*record scratch*

By that time I already had my arm around her walkin real close cause it was brick as hell outside, so I just was like damn...

So we get to her sisters spot and the dark skinned chick (her name is like Kakomi or something I honestly forgot it as soon as she told me) her demeanor changes, chick is mad as fuck cause the music is "funky house/warehouse anthems/rave music" I mean chick is really sitting there lip poked out, legs crossed, arms folded pouting like a mufucka! So I'm like tryna shoot at her and get her to smile but she's seriously 38 hot about being there. So she cusses her light skin friend (LaLomi or something, I forgot her name too and was just callin' her LaLa all night) out for dragging her there knowing she doesn't like that type of music, but LaLa had to stay cause it's her sisters shit, plus she didn't have enough to get back home on the train... so Kakomi ends up having to catch a £30 cab back after spending £20 already to get down here to be somewhere she didn't even enjoy... so hearing all this from both of them I'm not gonna waste my breath/time tryna talk to this sour ass girl so I'm just like
"I'll just see you around or whatever...

Kakomi: "You met me at a really bad time.....*wall of ice*

So in my mind that tells me, I'm gonna fuck with your homegirl who's tryna stay here so catch your cab....

I mean I really couldn't get jiggy with the music, nor the dancing. I mean maybe if I was rollin I would've appreciated it alot more, I mean I'll listen to it maybe while I'm driving or geeking out or surfing the internet but as far as being out and having a good time and dancing to it... I'll pass.

So I'm out there doing the "glow stick dance" with some chick and La comes up to me and says to me...

I wanna to fuck her then fuck you!

Me: Twat did you say?!?!?!?

"I WANT TO FUCK HER THEN FUCK YOU!'

Me: *I know she can't be sayin what I think she's sayin* When, Now?

"Yeah I WANT A VODKA AND REDBULL"

Stupid ass sexy LDN accents...

After that I just peaced out and went home and drank myself stupid on...

Take a guess?

Guess what the 'L' stands for?

p.s. not LDN

EDIT: 17292008

You're all wrong...it stands for L-A-M-E

Theres a few more pictures and an interesting story written on my sidekick, but they'll have to wait till I get back to the states....

A right proper dinah

It really felt good to be around family....and speaking in my LDN accent... I was shocked and hurt and appaled to find out that my 19 cousin is pregnant again, and that I have a cousin who is a gonna grow up to be a.....'light skinned boy'

ugh...

My grandmother is 80 years old and cooler than a box fan. Maybe it's cause shes a scorpio that's why we get along so well? I mean she still tells me to 'make sure I'm wearing my boots when I'm in the rain' and how ' LDN girls will tell you they like you and not tell you they have a boyfriend to set you up' and she swore up and down I was gonna get robbed for my Shmack snakeskin back pack

LDN TWN

I leave this evening!!!

I'm pretty excited to be seeing my grandparents and the rest of my family...But I also can't wait to see what that nightlife is gonna be like ( D.pe Fiend I'm gonna need you to tell me what's poppin on the weekends in vauxhall/brixton!)

Wish me luck y'all, hope to run into...

See y'all on the other side of the pond

Velvety fun in the velvet room/lounge

This was my first time going to a "grown people club" The Velvet Room or velvet lounge one of the two, and it sucked cause all of my clothes are pretty much altbroish/hipsterish... I didn't wanna stand out like Pootie Tang amongst my friends, so my dog's boy Brandon let me rock his Diesel's in lieu of my Dunks. Nice gesture, but the only thing is that Brandon is a hefty fellow of heavy proportions/a fat boy, so when I say those diesel's we're out of gas and leanin' to the left, them mufuckas were looking like some sad puppys! The sole was like askew from the shoe and uggh!!! I get in there and I already liek the layout. It's got good placement of the bar, and vip is exclusive, but not so much that you can't be seen in there. I really couldn't wait to see how it jumped off when it jumped off, and I wasn't dissapointed at all. I had a damn good time despite the footwear malfunction, and even though I'm never really comfortable "dressed like an adult person" because my spirit is so youthful and free, I did my thing.



One thing I always forget about partying in Atlanta, is that these clubs stay open sooooo late (5:00 compared to the 1:45-2:15 of VA) I mean I was winehoused at one point and every girl I danced with got a nice wine up and near about 4:15 I'm just standing behind girls just staying on beat! I mean I actually clubbed out my liquor!

Big Brandon, Nick, and J

That man Ant's expression (far left) is like the definition of Debonair...the rest just say "I'm winehoused"

Afterwards we went to Ihops and I demolished a "Rooty Tooty"

So what exactly does a space cowboy do?

I'm sitting here at this 5 year high school reunion at applebees enjoying a scrumpcious scrawberry milkshake, and waiting on my hot wings when it suddenly hits me...I don't really care about most of these people/what they are doing right about now...Maybe this has to do with my loaner tendencies in high school I don't know, I'm just a "sometimes ass history major wannabe" not a sociologist. But a few people I recognize by name and it's cool to see them doing good but there's some who's face looks very familiar and they come up to me saying

"Hey Andre what's up?"

Me: heeeeey you! It's been awhile...you...Damn, What been up big dog / girl?

I think this covers me for my 10 year and 15 year and so on and so forth. I might go to the 20 year just to see who ages well...

I'm fresh as hell though and some girl came up to me and was like "Dang you got cuter cute since high school! Let me find out..."

I dont know whether thats Self Esteem +5 or -10

One thing I do know is the most prettiest girl in school is still the most prettiest girl out of school....*zing*

The debauch comes home

My facebooky status now says Andre is officially in Atlanta and heading to pink pony 2! I'm back in the east atlanta 6....it's a bittersweet feeling though...anyways, my ultimate goal is to make it to London (vauxhall to be exact) and hopefully things go my way so yeah....

Anyways I went to the pony and eat sushi, jen bear put me on this "dancer" Star. Body like a shotgun and cuter than a lil bit..she told me to come and see her tommorow, I don't know if that's just like see her as in pay for her or see her as in talk to her while she's not dancing... after that we went to a spot downtown Social, jen bear knows the owners...it's a nice lil date spot/resto. I ate grilled calamari and had a very tasty mojito before we went to Earls in the village and just drank and chilled... came home tipsy but on point and said hey to samantha the dog (who I've been with since she was a puppy in like 2001/2000; and I habve no problem at all saying I love you to her, because dogs love so unconditionally and pure) talked to momsy before I retired for the night....so if there's any debauch to be had this weekend counts me in and I'll be out and about and around errwhere but if y'all know the what's ups and the what's nots let me know!

They say that zip code 30316 (the village) sells the most PBR in the united states! I learned that from a Jameson's whisky girl!

Am I just a "weekend *i***"

It's a vicious cycle... One wants to be my girlfriend and I'll tell her what she wants to hear all the while I want another but the other is with some duck ass blow pop dude who lets her go out every weekend and do whatever she pleases like she doesn't look good out here, and theres not guys like me out here!

Normally I'm not one to Dr.Phil with these girls out here (I'm lying, I kind of enjoy phone boning, it's all part of the hunt which I love) but she'll be venting about how he pisses all over the toilet seat and won't wash out the tub when he's done and about his dick... (I'm not gonna front like I'm a jake steed or anything but I've been told I've got a pretty big dick, so when we first 69'd she was kinda like in awe of how the piercing would feel and when we danced she was all about feeling it, so when we finally did jump up and down she was all like "I felt opened up, and I was so used to his size and when me and my BF did get going it would most likely pop out.")

Now I feel like that dude hearing this but even though it's good to hear I know she'll never stop fucking with dude no matter how good my penis is, and as much as I hate it, my homegirl was right, I'm just a "weekend nigga".

I'm witty and have been told I'm funny, I look fresh and am well put together when she sees me, I always smell like Lacoste Red, Sex Panther or John Paul Gaultier, I can dance, and I'm cool as fuck to be around... my homegirl says "You're like a weekend in vegas, you wanna go there once in awhile have a good time and get crazy but you don't wanna live there!"

Rats...

BRB

but it's like my life has turned into a kaleidoscope of sorts...Not really but, I tend to impose a lot of undue stress on myself. My lurst is quenched, I've got a few girls who are all about some andre, my friends are well, I finally gave up drunk driving for reals this time (There's been times I would just be amazed that I made it home safe!)

Say all that to say this..I'm gonna take a lil' hiatus to live some life and filter out the bullshit and just leave that hot fish grease....


So this is what hot in the screets now huh?

2nd times the charm

I write this from somewhere in the middle of the atlantic...I've been watching hella entourage, working 15 hour days, playing gears of war 2 and just chillaxing. Our ship went out for a lil bit and it sucks cause when I get back I have some serious phone bonin' to do for pulling a mysterio and missing the weekend! Anyways, I met up with the chick I met when I went out with my dog smitty she's got some choppers on her, I'm talkin her teeth look like baby shoes and I remember smith saying something about it that night too!
Anyways I went all the way out to Patrick Henry mall which is like a 30 minute ride to see her at her job at NY & Co, she was already all about some Andre through the phone but my charm, wit and style and prescence sealed the deal. I also got a sick ass scarf from there too!

Anyways I don't know how many of y'all have read my first attempt at erotic fiction but I like to think it was pretty good...anyways I've had this in my sidey's notes for a hot minute and I never finished it but here's what I've got so far should I finish it or wha?


I prepare to shower for my date. I scrub my face with St.Ives apricot scrub to gently exfoliate, then use Dove's exfoliating beauty bar to replenish the face. I use Mane and Tail shampoo and conditioner on my hair. I was at a loss of what to buy shampoo wise, until a pretty asian girl told me it was "that shit and Mr. Ed uses it".
We met on hotornot when it was still cool to meet people off hotornot way before myspace became the social network of choice. I think of our first night actually meeting face to face, after about a week of solid phone boning I drove to her apartment and we just sat in my car and talked, which suprisngly didn't bore me to death. I remember first thinking how much she looks like gwen stefani, with black hair and that pretty much drowned out everything she said. After much small talk during a particularly long lull in the conversation, I tell her to "bring me those lips".
As a makeout session turns into a mutual masturbation I come all over her hand and much to my dismay she comes all over my leather seats. I remember drifting in and out of post orgasmic sleep, hoping she didn't stain my leather with her lady juices, does leather even stain? While half awake I remember looking over at her and seeing my friend brandon, and saying to him

"What are you doing here?"

then coming to my senses and thinking

"I'm in Virginia, the fuck would Brando be doing here?"

It's only then my eyes see her looking at me like I'm crazy.

After that I knew it was time for me to leave. As I get out of the shower to put Palmers Cocoa butter lotion on, I notice the skin on my face is dry. I don't want to put lotion on it, so I wet a paper towel and dab my face.
I find myself rushing to her place, I'm not worried about her being angry with me for my lateness, I just don't want to miss any of Four Brothers. I arrive and she is dressed wildly inappropriate. She has on "school shoe" white ones, red slouch socks, a "hilary duff" short skirt and a girl fit tee shirt with something silly emblazoned on it. She's 19 years old but dressed like she's 16. I have serious doubts about going anywhere with her for fear of people looking at her then looking at her with me disapprovingly. I could always do the walk ahead, so it looks like were not together but not too far away from her so she doesn't notice. I do want to see Four Brothers and if the movie sucks, then I know I can put my jacket over her and finger bang. Maybe all isn't lost, so we leave for the movies.

Can black people even get s.a.r.s?

Dope Fiend tagged me and since I rarely talk about the bad times, because they're just that...bad times. But right now things aren't coming up milhouse...

I've been systematically destroying my body on the weekends. Since my birthday I have been out every weekend. I mean I'll say to myself that "I'm just gonna geek out and catch up on sleep." But I'll get a txt like "what's up for tonight/ what are we doing tonight" and since I hate feeling like I'm missing out, I'm in there like swimwear...and because I get winehoused and walk out of the club into the cold shooting at chicks...

I'm sick as shit and it sucks because this is the avian flu/s.a.r.s/avian flu/mono? that I have been dodging since this summer while all my friends had the sniffles, and it came for my ass with the resurrection! I'm over medicating myself with mucinex and sudafed but that 12 and 5 hour relief it provides doesn't help much because...

I've lost my voice...I mean I like losing my voice to a certain extent cause like Phoebe Buffet I think it makes my voice the male version of sultry. But it's kinda gettin in the way because I can't sing along with my fave artists!

I've been doing a lot of phone boning and it's driving me crazy cause I wanna jump up and down! I mean I probably could, but I'm sick and since I'm old school and still consider making out (am I wack for calling it that) foreplay, I'd feel hella bad kissing a gal spreading my cooties. So all I do is sleep to get better after I get off and that sucks cause...

I have to brave cold virginia wintery-ness to go out and steal internet to get online and peruse blogs and I'm shocked I mean a certainvery random blasian girl is going wild out west, there's anarchy in girl world, J*did is gonna be a working stiff, busting centuries and shit, london gals think guys who superman phone booth outta their clothes to get the cookie are wack...

But on the bright side I finally got my stimulus check, and I'm working on another erotic fiction, and this water drinking and using milk and honey on my hair has got my hair feeling resplendant.

All the hipsters love N*E*R*D / Centure 22

So the clouds become dark and the sky becomes blue and n*e*r*d hits the stage! They came and ripped it with "anti matter" and mufuckas lost their damn minds...crowdsurfing, skanking all that. I man I'd be taking pictures and just get kicked in the head by some mufucka crowd surfing. I saw this one chick just get dropped...hard. So pharrell saw it too and he was like "yo..I don't care how drunk you are, but when you got somebody crowdsurfing you hold them the fuck up!"

All in all it was a cool ass show...I shoulda went to the after party but I met up with my light skinned homeboy "J-wiggla" who has turned into a full blown "blipster", from the blazers to the buddy holly glasses. We went to ihop and they handed out Centure 22 t-shirts. J Wiggla and his cuz started a exclusive collection called "centure 22" it's pretty dope, and from talking to them about it, they don't want it to be a clothing line more of a lifestyle brand. So yeah... check it out www.centurexxii.com



I found out super late about the launch party at commonwealth of "play cloths" the clipse's foray into high end street couture. So I check up on it online and find out it starts at 8. So that to me means fallin off in there at like 9, 9:30. My light skinned bro J calls me as I'm like 2 blocks away and is like "you see this line outside? I'm not fucking with this shit"


I mean the line outside that shit wasn't that that long but it was cold as fuck and that wind was bitin out there..I mean it's the kinda cold you could be talking to someone and step out into it, and forget what you were talkin about!






So we go to ihop again and I talk fashion with his cousin evrything from creating a symbol, to PF Flyers.

So we leave and I ride past commonwealth and see no line so I pop in. It's like "hipsters, blipsters and whipsters oh my" in there. So I talk with a few people and check out "play cloths" which is dope BTW and I turn my head and see Pusha T, Shae and Famlay. Now I'm no groupie ass star struck dude or whatever but I fuck with these dudes shit and it's crazy to see them... I told JP that and her jaded mark ass said "Umm...welcome 2 Va. If its not one of thm, it Angel Lola Luv's @ss somewhere."

All in all a pretty cool night.

Working on Thanksgiving!

I had to work on Thanksgiving which kinda sucks, especially since I'm working with the cooks for "mess duty"
The ship went all out for it and so did I. I wore my "birth control glasses" and so did this chick who I work with...we were bro and sis...how lame are we?


I shined up a shit load of apples and they all got thrown away, along with the ginormous turkey...

My bro smitty just finshed eating and that "itis" hit him as he tried to run from the camera...his waves were in effect though...









Hope everyones was great and stuff...

A 2L;2R saturday night!

My dog smitty came out aftr a looong hiatus from going out.... I mean I missed going out with him.. He's a smoove ass dude and even though he steals girls from you while your dancing it's all to the good cause that's his thing. Plus he advanced of the Navy advancement exam so it's all to the good. So this Bey song comes on I like a lot, I hear it and I'm just like "zamn" (it's got a real hard beat, and the only lyric I know is "been locked up in the house too long") came on and we hit the dance floor like a storm. So we danced with two chicks from that, one was light, the other was dark. The dark chick was pressin the hell out of me. I didn't mind but I'm all like it's early and shit and I don't wanna just go for the first thing, cause she really was just "aight" and so was her light skinned friend but I mean I know I can do better but she had a nice body and she could move....

So I see omari in the "vip" section with some people sje came with so I start to go and say what's up and the dark skinned chick comes up behind me like "you still got a dance for me?" so we talk and exchange a little info, but I still wanna see what's up with omari... so I make it up to "vip" and this red head that apparently came with omari comes up tryna take my scarf/fuck with me, So I'm like "I'll fight you for this!"
Redhead:bring it on!


We dance and omari is clearly endorsing this girls openly slutty behavior...








so just from being with "mary jane" for a little bit I can see she's all about some andre. I kind of felt bad leaving my dog smith out there alone while I'm getting my save the last dance on, so I look down at the "regular/non-vip commonfolk" and I smiled like a proud father when I saw "smitty" with a chick badder than cocaine.

"Mary Jane" thinks her ride has left her so I let her use my phone to call them, so I hit the dance floor and with my peripherals I see the dark skinned chick from before watching my every move so I do the "come hither" and we dance and I'm like...
"Why don't you have my number yet?"
Christine or christina I don't remember: *pulls out phone* I don't know
Me: that's wack...If you can remember my name you can have my number
Christine/christina: Andre!

So I put it in her phone and she calls me right then on the dance floor (which I kinda don't like, now I see what Eb was chatting bout before in her list...)
And lo and behold "mary jane" picks up and is like "Where's andre yada yada" and christine/ christina is lookin at me like WTF! So I analyze the situation...I could

A. Go get my phone from "mary jane" and see what's up with christine/ christina... or

B. peace out on christina/ christine and most likely end up going home with "mary jane" that night or sunday afternoon and doin the booty. So I choose the later cause I'm a sucker for green eyes.



So coming out the club with "mary jane" I see smitty walking off with that same bad ass chick from before and I'm just like "that's my dog"

So I make it back to my car solo dolo ("mary jane" didn't have her keys or her phone they were all in her rides truck) and I see a infiniti truck parked next to my baby. So I walk up and lo and behold it's "smitty" and "cocaine chick".

So he hops out and she drives of after giving us a cute little wave...and my bro looks mad for some reason...
Me: what happened?

Smitty: Man all in there she's all up on me, I'd dance with other girls and shed tap me and pull me back and tell me "you can dance good" she put my hands all on her and all that. So we leave and she asks me to walk her to her car...so we get there and she tells me how she's married and her husband is deployed and after she says that.... I don't hear shit else...and she had the nerve to say "oh I'm not gone talk to you now cause you mad now huh?"

I'm hot the most about it cause I wasted my time...if we woulda just stuck with the light chick and the dark chick we prolly coulda been into something!

Me: *smiles* welcome back to the club!

Re:Shmack modeling

-----Original Message-----
From: shmackintern
Date: Fri, 21 Nov 2008 15:50:13 -0500

Thank you again for coming out to the Shmack casting call for the Perky Turkey Fashion Show. I regret to inform you that you were not chosen for this particular show. Please keep in contact with Shmack as we will have more fashion shows in the future.

Thanks again,

Shmack Team

Fuck modeling anyways, it's for gay guys and stuck up hoes!!! But I'm not bitter at all...not. one. bit....

I'm interested to see who they did choose though...so I will be at the "perky turkey fashion show" and judging very harshly!

All lot of shit happened though, went to the "play cloths" launch party, saw chilly willy and "bust the windows out your car girl", jumped with a red head with green eyes, played ultimate frisbee...so yeah...

A Model Idiot

I was super nervous on my way to the casting call...I felt ridiculous and not like a model at all, I wish I woulda worn shmack but I didn't wanna seem like a douchebag... Fuck!

So I get outside the shmack factory and I call the number and go up and knock on the door. I see this cute chick and I come in and we start talking about my nervousness, how I thought it was gonna be like Janice D. and how she got to be a Shmack intern she was like

"I studied graphic design and things just worked out...

So I was like "you know who's a sick ass designer? Jeff Ward...!"

"You wanna see the design room and check out some stuff upstairs?"

Me:"Hell yeah"

So I follow her upstairs to the "inner workings" of shmack clothing and like I always say "You talk about shit, and you start to smell it" who do I run into...Jeff Ward and the founder of shmack Todd Askins... So I continue on with her, drink one of the redbulls (I don't even drink redbull, but it tasted better cause of my surroundings) and she shows me where they're working on T.I's new clothing line "Akoo"...no comment...(well, fuck that...Tip stick to rapping dog and just wear hot shit! See Shady LTD, Boushe, Derrtywear,Outkast Clothing Company, 8732, State Property, Pastry's.)

New Shmack designs for the fall/spring 2009 line (bananas)

and I ran into another intern I first met at the sample sale and saw again at the blend fashion party. She remembered my face from the party!

So I left from there feeling pretty good because I put all my eggs in this modeling basket and if it doesn't work out... look for me on craigslist under Norfolk Craigslist>Escorts>M4W only 80 roses ladies for a night with Picasso!