A streetkid named Desire

Omari calls me saying she's tryna roll out and since we haven't seen each other since last year we should meet up. So being the weekend n***a that I am we agree on a place to party tonight.

I mean I've been looking forward to going to this little hood ass club all week. After going out with some pretty boughy scene ass model chicks I think I needed a good old regular chick. I hit up H&M to get this sweater when I tried it on this girl was like
"that sweater makes you look gay"

That can't be all bad right? so with my sweater for the night I picked up my freshly cleaned earrings from the jeweler and went to get ready. My dog Smitty stays like 20 minutes away and he was tryna roll, so I call at like 6 tellin him what the plan is that I'm gonna shower and head over to get him cause I'm tryna be there at 11pm cause it's free before then and plus I'm meeting Omari and her friend up there...
So I'm out the door at like 9:30 to pick him up and I get to his crib at like 10. This dude opens the door and he's just getting out the shower! I'm like "Smitty what the fuck!" and I look in the living room and see and ironing board and I'm hot because he's always been inconsiderate of time, I'm the same way my damn self sometimes but I still hate it when it's my time thats being wasted. What made me even more hot was he was like "The clubs not going anywhere, we're gonna get there at like 11:30 and the same hoes are gonna be in there!" So I'm cussing him out and we talk about how he's only got Bill Bellamy to compare himself to for blind dating purposes while I've got Billy Blanks(?), Young Joc, Mase, Charles from Diary of a mad black woman, the dude from save the last dance, malik yoba,derek luke and anyone else who just happens to be a dark skinned actor/entertainer. Bill Bellamy and Soulja Boy

We get on Hen and Redbull (which suprisingly has no alcoholic taste, I mean it really just tastes like redbull) and finally head out after he took so long and we get in there and I see Omari and introduce Smitty to her friend who my first impression of her was that she was pretty in the club cause she's bright and has big titties and a waist like a pencil, but the make up didn't really suit her, I mean it looked like she works at MAC and OD's.

So we're talking and stuff and right behind her is fucking Jaguar Paw in the flesh. It turns out that they had somehow met each other the night before, which suprised the hell out of me.. I mean now I know how George Costanza felt...But they hit it off really well and it made me remember how small this world is sometimes.


I hadn't seen her since like last year and it was crazy cause I was txting her earlier in the day about her being "to cool for the nightlife". But her body is still like a shotgun and she still has got my nose a little bit open.
The club was bananas I almost got the business in a female bathroom stall before a bartender cockblocked me saved me, I felt kinda bad cause I was kinda all about fucking with Omari and Jaguar Paw so I made sure me and Smitty had the floor on lock.

So it's all going good till about 3 am when they bring out a breaksfast bar and it was all downhill from there. Me, omari and JP and that MAC'd out chick crush it.

Then Omari starts spazzin out from mas bebida (thats french for too much to drink) and gets too her car and tosses her cookies, smitty drops his iPhone in the vomitus and that ruins his night, MAC chick lost her purse in the club and JP ghosted out.

So I make it home at about 4 and crash knowing I have to be to work at 530. I wake up and pick up my phone and look at it and I see Lloyd's number in a call and I put it to my ear and say hello and I hear

"Andre get your black ass to the ship they're about to mark you UA (unauthorized absence=big trouble)"

I look at the time 8:21 and see all sorts of txts from my suoervisor and I'm like shit, two sticks of trident and I'm out the door flying to work. I get there and I'm good to go or whatever and the first question my boy asked me was "was it worth it"
fucking right it was

$60 drinks and the like

Out to sea doing circles in the ocean and I've got hella shit on my sidekick but in the meantime here's some 2K08 fuckery....

Went out with the big homie Rafi aka "Puerto Rican 50 cent" and it was my first time going out with "bravo". I went with "omari" and it felt good to have her with me because rafi's chick is a model (she modeled in the perky turkey fashion show) and her agent supposedly booked her and her model friends a appearance at the club. But it kinda sucked her her friends were hella stuck up...not really stuck up but these fiona apple lookin scene hoes just wanted to be scene/seen, they thought they were too good cause they had some champagne and were in vip cause of their agent!

here's a link to youtube of her goin off about that shit...I'm out to sea and youtube is a no no...

Like me and the team would be dancing in vip and they were looking at us like we were out of place and shit, and when I did dance with one of the models it was kinda wack cause I'm a lil' winehoused and I wanna grind not just be a "human accessory". After they got some liquor in them they were pretty chillax though...

Me and Omari go to the bar to get to it and round sharing is in effect, so I order a double grey goose and pineapple and a little bit of grenadine(the nelson muntz) and a double crown and coke... you know what that fucking bartender says to me?

60 fucking dollars!!!

I look at omari and she looks at me and I'm like "I'm gonna get these drinks and the next round is on you, but after this we're gonna drink up all these fiona apple lookin hoes champagne!"

All in all a cool night

-saw a pregnant girl in there, not like "OMG pee on the dipstick pregnant" I'm talkin about "mufuckas rubbing your tummy pregnant, asking you whens the big day", and I saw her at the bar, I told omari, "I'm gonna go over there and waterboy tackle the shit out of her if she orders a drink!" I watched her like a hawk and read her lips...she ordered a apple juice.-saw my homeboy B aka Vinnie from Naughty by Nature, it's been almost a year and he's still cooler than a box fan.

A 2L;2R saturday night!

My dog smitty came out aftr a looong hiatus from going out.... I mean I missed going out with him.. He's a smoove ass dude and even though he steals girls from you while your dancing it's all to the good cause that's his thing. Plus he advanced of the Navy advancement exam so it's all to the good. So this Bey song comes on I like a lot, I hear it and I'm just like "zamn" (it's got a real hard beat, and the only lyric I know is "been locked up in the house too long") came on and we hit the dance floor like a storm. So we danced with two chicks from that, one was light, the other was dark. The dark chick was pressin the hell out of me. I didn't mind but I'm all like it's early and shit and I don't wanna just go for the first thing, cause she really was just "aight" and so was her light skinned friend but I mean I know I can do better but she had a nice body and she could move....

So I see omari in the "vip" section with some people sje came with so I start to go and say what's up and the dark skinned chick comes up behind me like "you still got a dance for me?" so we talk and exchange a little info, but I still wanna see what's up with omari... so I make it up to "vip" and this red head that apparently came with omari comes up tryna take my scarf/fuck with me, So I'm like "I'll fight you for this!"
Redhead:bring it on!


We dance and omari is clearly endorsing this girls openly slutty behavior...








so just from being with "mary jane" for a little bit I can see she's all about some andre. I kind of felt bad leaving my dog smith out there alone while I'm getting my save the last dance on, so I look down at the "regular/non-vip commonfolk" and I smiled like a proud father when I saw "smitty" with a chick badder than cocaine.

"Mary Jane" thinks her ride has left her so I let her use my phone to call them, so I hit the dance floor and with my peripherals I see the dark skinned chick from before watching my every move so I do the "come hither" and we dance and I'm like...
"Why don't you have my number yet?"
Christine or christina I don't remember: *pulls out phone* I don't know
Me: that's wack...If you can remember my name you can have my number
Christine/christina: Andre!

So I put it in her phone and she calls me right then on the dance floor (which I kinda don't like, now I see what Eb was chatting bout before in her list...)
And lo and behold "mary jane" picks up and is like "Where's andre yada yada" and christine/ christina is lookin at me like WTF! So I analyze the situation...I could

A. Go get my phone from "mary jane" and see what's up with christine/ christina... or

B. peace out on christina/ christine and most likely end up going home with "mary jane" that night or sunday afternoon and doin the booty. So I choose the later cause I'm a sucker for green eyes.



So coming out the club with "mary jane" I see smitty walking off with that same bad ass chick from before and I'm just like "that's my dog"

So I make it back to my car solo dolo ("mary jane" didn't have her keys or her phone they were all in her rides truck) and I see a infiniti truck parked next to my baby. So I walk up and lo and behold it's "smitty" and "cocaine chick".

So he hops out and she drives of after giving us a cute little wave...and my bro looks mad for some reason...
Me: what happened?

Smitty: Man all in there she's all up on me, I'd dance with other girls and shed tap me and pull me back and tell me "you can dance good" she put my hands all on her and all that. So we leave and she asks me to walk her to her car...so we get there and she tells me how she's married and her husband is deployed and after she says that.... I don't hear shit else...and she had the nerve to say "oh I'm not gone talk to you now cause you mad now huh?"

I'm hot the most about it cause I wasted my time...if we woulda just stuck with the light chick and the dark chick we prolly coulda been into something!

Me: *smiles* welcome back to the club!

But beyonce says to do it!

It's crazy the people you meet in bars... "omari" a fellow scorpio had her birthday on the 12th, so of course she wanted to go out on Friday!

We went to Guadalajara's which I haven't been back to since going there with "Jazzy Girl" on Cinco de Mayo *shudder* anyways, she met these two chicks (the other chick would always disappear and then reappear outta nowhere) and this one dude while waiting for me to get there.

They were cool as shit and right off the back I told this chick she looked like Meadow Soprano...

Then things got kinda weird, they took us to this bar in this hotel their friend 'tended at and told me and "omari" like "We can go here and drink free yada yadda..." So we get to the bar and say our what's up and get ready to order and "omari" is like..

"can I get a skyy screwdriver"

Bartender tom : ugggh *visibly disgusted by her choice of vodka* We don't carry skyy, we have absolut, I could make you something with a quality vodka.
(in my mind I was like WTF!!! I'd use both of those to clean wounds and bomb establishments in riots...they're both shitty vodkas, fuck are you really saying man!)

So after he got over his initial rudeness, he turned out to be a pretty cool, though catty as a mufucka but cool nonetheless, he had us gone off these shots he was makin and this magical iced tea liquor called "firefly" which I'm strongly thinking about endorsing in my reality show airing on Oxygen in the near future.

So our belly's are full of liquor and bartend tommy puts a black leather check binder in front of us....

???

Now I'm not a cheap guy and I have no prob paying for my shit, cause I damn sure was drinking it, but y'all were kicking it to me like shits on the house. So I peep the bill and it says...

$6.25

For five people drinking copious amounts of alcohol the charge was only $6.25... I can get jiggy with that shit, so I threw in $6 and so did pretty much errbody else. So I see dude open up the lil book and make a face like "oh is that all...."

After that we ditched them in this tavern in downtown va beach, went to Ihop and dissected that rude bartender for being a ungrateful douche, and skipped outta Ihop before our food came, saw a cool statue...

talked about her plans for "bronze-ing" her hair ala J.Lo...

Just enjoying being young and being alive/winehoused!

Saturday was chill, I spent it morningtime playing Gears of War 2 over the "McCain 2012 wireless network" which is how we connect our sexbox 360's from my shop to my buddy from rhode island's shop...No wires... very nice!

Went to Arychtexas's house and got treated to a belated/heartfelt dinner of delicious chinese cuisine over talks of gays right to marriage, and the morality of abortion.

Was supposed to meet "omari" at my official downtown norfolk spot, entourage. But she stayed in the popular clear bar Scotty Quiks...So I went out with Lloyd and the club was full of square ass dudes, so we shut it down...

Highlights include, but are not limited to...

*dancing with a this one chick for about 5 solid reggae songs, I'm talking dick "harder than termite teeth", passa passa grinding , booty grippin, dick grabbing, face to face "dancing"... so I shoot for the number chick is like "I'm married" LMAO

* Pulled a white chick who's an alleged music producer of some sort and during the "club courtship" I asked her to dance. This chick proceeds to combine mitsubishi commercial girl, elaine benice's "little kicks" dance, Cameron Diaz's charlie's angels "booty dance" and the official white girl "hands on the knees "teabag" /drop it down low- then bring it back up" all into a smorgasbord of akward terrible, terribleness. Then she started waving her arms and doing that hold your hands by your head and snap your fingers then like snake your head and neck (hard to describe but y'all know what I'm talking about!) Black girls are looking at me like "look at this Seal/Charles from madea ass nigga here!" dudes are giving me "commiserating looks" that say "You gotta do what you gotta do!" but I'm winehoused and slighty lursty so I just pull her to me and we do my dance...

* like the title says I think Beyonce only wants the girls to "pat their own weaves" Apparently it's frowned upon when a guy does it! I'm dancing with this light skin chick with a head full of "cherokee/apache/spanish heritage" and following Bey's words: Cooling off, watching her walk, touching our heels/toes. Then I pat her weave and chick spazzes thee fuck out! Kinda assholeish..but still LMFAO

A day in the life of 23 years

1st. "Omari" came out on saturday for winehousing and wine up. She is bad. I mean like cocaine bad, and it felt damn good to walk in the club with her and just see faces rearrange, my homeboy Lloyd and his peoples nods of approval. BUT she's talkin that boyfriend jazz one minute (you should meet him, he's really cool) and the next she's all about me(leg up, her lil' tap of booty in hand and me "wine pon dem gal" on the dance floor). I mean if I was a man of scruples and didn't have a "black heart of gold"

1 1/4. But I also think while I was walking and talking with her that... "Damn this girl is fuckin sexy"but I can do better. I can have a chick that looks gooder than or equal to, and she could be all mines" Why must I always want the maximum

1 1/2. I wore a cardigan in the club. Even though it was hot as fuck, I just choose my songs/girls to dance with wisely. I don't wanna be in there with a ph-olo shirt like every other dude. Like "arychtexas" has told me... "Us dark skinned dudes can't just be in there looking mediocre, we gotta go the extra mile!"

3. Why the fuck can't I comment like crazy from my Sidee? What the hell is really going on here.. Errytime I try and submit the comment, it's like the page just reloads


4. Friday nights in Va are so hit or miss! and last friday was certainly a miss... Didn't really get to crazy I just did some short-short long all night...very nice!

7. Soul Men is a hilarious! I normally don't get down with movies like that, and went in with low expectations, but as soon as I walked in and heard Sam J. saying "muthafucka" and start yellin... I lost it. I went and saw it with "Toya" the girl who masks promiscuity in the guise of a relationship... .

11. Because said friday was a miss I'm back at her place and we're in her room all touchy feely (Sowwy J*Did your sound practical "sisterly" legal advice is no match for the lurst on a friday night)and it's about to go down. She kinda stops and looks at me and is like...

"so are you gonna be my man?"

*I had a JD/ Zack Morris, stop time moment/dream sequence where I got out of bed and paced around with a woody and am like "Why the fuck would she ask me this NOW?!!?" then I climbed back next to her and I said*

Me: It sure looks like it.. giggiddy giggiddy goo

*face slap*

Back to reality...

Me: It ain't even a question (which is not even an answer)

12. I officially am endorsing Trojan Climax Control condoms alongside the longtime sponsor of my lurst filled nights, Trident Tropical Splash (the orange pack). The last girl I jumped with, it ended with me putting my clothes on in the deafening silence of an unsatisfied woman without a chance to redeem myself in round 2 (because that first one was a wash the second was gonna be the killa). Anyways as soon as put it on and I got into it, I knew she was in trouble, I felt like Ricky Bobby "goin fast" again. Slayage... But the million dollar ? is will I get dependent on these condoms?


13. A quenched lurst at night trumps an akward morning.

15. I was walking to my car from the mall and was saying "uggggnnnhh" as in like the song"ungggggnhh me so horny". For some reason it was just cracking my shit up. (I'm 23 I gotta leave that childish shit behind right?) So I'm walking and saying "uggggggnnnnhhh" and just laughing like a fool... till I hear keys jangling not too far behind me... I turned to look at her but for some reason she avoided eye contact! So I tried to turn my laughing into a cough but from how far we were from the exit, I knew she had been following me for the whole entire time, and who knows what she was thinking.

16. Waffle house isn't just good food. It's good food for the soul.

18. I've got a severely nasty mean spirit sometimes...I mean in situations were a kind word would make things smooth over, I say fuck that and "tell the person about themselves / ridicule to make myself feel better. My homegirls 1 semester of psych, tell her I only do it because it was done to me, and with the roles reversed I don't know how to act!

18.5 That was told to me by a girl who's supposed to be celibate (I believe she is she's been around the block and she is pretty much the block, but she's still keut though) but met some dude at the bar and took him home and let him titty fuck her. She called me and told me that, I wanted to laugh in her face and cuss her out so bad! So don't try to tell me nothing you fucking hypocrite!

19. I went to see a girl from New York and I looove her accent. She's from strong island and talks like R to the E-Z. She doesn't just say "wow" she drags it and says "whooooooow". She told me I was packin' and I said "where am I going?"

21. She looks so cute and innocent but she's getting baaaaaadI hung out with a two good friends turned bloggers "arych" and his wife and daughters and "tharula". We watched "sex and the city" which IMHO is a terrible movie, I mean I couldn't even really enjoy the movie past that one homely girls insanely long neck, the one who looks like...anyways I knew how it was gonna end as soon as she told her husband that bullshit.

22. The more and more I listen to Santogold the more and more I like her voice! I wish I had GF who talked like santogold... I'd stay up late with her and wake up early to breakfasts of mango chutney on Thomas' English Muffins!

23. Feels like this is gonna be a great age for me y'alls!!!

Shoot your sons and chastity belt your daughter / Live on halloween!

This was my halloween costume, an arc reactor that took me stupid long to make...My dumb ass didn't have time to make a proper harness so I just went as out as a "blipster", but the arc was pretty cool though. I might actually make one properly and not rush and fuck this one up!

That boy "rell" and lloyd!

The pregame festivities!

I normally don't go to the club we went to cause it's fullo f women to old to be in this type of club and those guys who wear crushed velvet suits and burberry inspired button ups with the matching hat with some k-swiss' with baby powder all on their chest. But When in Va right?

I met this really short chocolate chick "toya" and gave her a real nice wine up, so I see lloyd shooting at her and don't think too much of it. So I ask lloyd about it
"I hit her, just tell that girl what she wants to hear and you in it."
Interesting.
I loooove being in the spot with the team, even times like now where I don't fluck with all the dudes we came with too-too tough, I know them as cool people from work and they fluck with lloyd, so it's all to the good.

I saw this beautiful girl when I came from the bathroom and it started with me telling her "I don't wanna seem like a duck ass dude or whatever but I just think you're beautiful..."
"Buffalo?!?!"
Me: No BEAUTIFUL!

And it ended with her saying "I love you, call me anytime you want" biting my ear.
I met her "oMari" at 1:45 and I'm lookin at my sidey now, and it's saying 1:32 WTF for reals but seriously I feel like this could be a jacksonville pt 2. All the criteria is the same...
1: A delightfully curvy nutrasweet pixie stick of melted twizzler sunshine enchantment.
2. A hot club lettin us sweat out the pressure and stress of the week.
3. My loose spine in effect.
Could it be like at first sight?

Sweet sassamassa I had no idear I was sweating like that... I mean I was fucking drenched!"Nigga you need to stand under some ventilation!"

The only real difference is that she's here in my territory. But I think there's a strong possibility that I don't just like her, I like her like her. I had to honestly resist the urge to ask her "What's a girl you doin in a place like this?".

Anyways....I've been in this mufucka for what seems like forever. I'm wearing this really cool sweater with buttons on the shoulder blade that is like perfect for a casual movie/lunch/dinner date, and it's like two shades of grey now cause I've been letting my spine go winin pon dem gal. It's 1:45 again and last call. The crazy thing is I met "oMari" at 1:45 and I said to her "it's 1:46 and I feel like I've been in here forever!" little did I know that time hadn't went back yet. And they're saying that they close in a hour. There's nothing but those "last call dregs" on the dance floor looking like the unstirred up kool aid at the bottom of the jug.

It's not a party till a fight almost breaks out in a 7-11! Chickenheads assemble!!!!
This one chick knocks bumps into my dog "rell" and drops her redbull and starts poppin off! He mushes her and we barely contain a "chickenhead barrage".
I'm spouting my pro mccain propaganda and these girls are just goin crazy... it's like girl world following the rules of the jungle in there. Call me crazy but I've got a little bit of liquor in me and I wanna see these girls scrap. Now a toy cop police officer is escorting the two girls who are about to get beat up by that mob to thier car.

We get back to the crib and these five girls come through so lloyd and "rell" go scraight to the rooms with their two chicks and the three others are in the living room with me and my dog "Will". They're bellyaching about they wanna go home and blah blah blah. One of 'em was vibing with me and we exchanged #'s, but the other two were all about some cockblockin', goin back to the room, knocking on the doors. Now they live like a good 45 minutes away. So I'd kinda be hot about that too, but I wouldn't fuck up the coochie. So lloyds girl, the driver comes out and tells them "I'm tryna get fucked tonight, if I was ridin' with y'all I'd wait!"

Not very classy but real as fuck!

So eventually they wore the driver down and she and 'rell's girl left without getting what they came for


4:07 finally layin down to sleep after 5 hours in the damn jungle!

The glasses kinda hide my the windows to my lurstful heart, but you can see the lurst burning in my dog lloyd's eyes!

I found a ten dollar bill while we were leaving out the club! That deserves the cheese!