Two tickets to paradise

The only thing that would make this better is female compainionship and I can think of like 3 girls I'd like to be here with but oh well right?

I leave for Barbados in about a week or so and I feel like I should be more excited. I mean I've got a girlfriend who's really good to me despite the fact that she thinks I'm too lursty and used to dating/being with whores who want sex everyday. I don't think sex is something that can be left out of any relationship, so I don't know where things are gonna go...Well I do but what can I really do? I don't want anything like that, that's not freely given. However; I do plan on enjoying the time we spend.

Even though my job with Emory gave me the axe, (no body spray) I managed to get put on valeting at a popular Atlanta night club. The hours are crazy but I get paid in cash and get to flirt with fellatious women all night.

22 positions in a one night stand

'You should dance with me...You might not ever ever see me again and you'll be kickin yourself after you dance with the next duck ass dude, cause you coulda been dancin with me..."

Is what he says to her while the lights flash and the bass thumps... They dance face to face and though she isn't normally attracted to dark skinned boys, something about this one...He looks at her.... Yellowbone, small build, skinny in places, fat in the right ones and she can move. Both of their friends they came with are looking at them like "these luvy duvy ass mufuckas are on the dance floor like they're alone and shit, fuck wrong with them?"

They don't pay any attention as they lock eyes and their hands do as they please. Eventually there's a break in the sexual tension when they get a drink together from the bar. The dark skinned boy says the smoothest things (although plagiarized) to the yellowbone like... "Baby you could be a part time model, but you could spend the rest of your time....with me.."

The yellowbone is kind of tipsy, but she knows conciously that she wants to spend a night with this boy...So when it's closing time and they walk arm in arm to his Volkswagen, not many words have to be said...

---------------------
He always thought she was cute and it seems unreal that she is in the passenger seat of his car and they're are officially on a date. Riding now niether of them can see why they didn't do this sooner. The conversation during dinner had no akward pauses and after they finished the meal before they even noticed it and hour went by. Who get's ice cream after a date? That's just what made everything seems so....so different but in a way that's not bad at all. The ice cream is finished and he licks a little bit of ice cream spillage off of her chin. The lick turns into a kiss and that kiss turns into a heated makeout session.
"I wanna feel it" she says to him...

Although he has jumped up and down with many a girl with no regard to thier feelings or without a seconds hesitation when the opportunity arises, he asks her..

"Are you sure?"

She says yes, and doesn't stop saying it...


Now both of these stories involve sex. In one situation a boy meets a girl in a club and they go home and 'do the booty'. The next situation the boy takes a girl out on a first date and they 'make whoopee'. According to a friend of mine... Both of those are one night stands and it's not a one night stand if they continue to see each other after the intial hookup, but it's a one night stand definitly if they go on a date and never talk to each other again...

I disagree and agree at the same time... I wouldn't call the 'date' scenario a one night stand per se, I would just say 'I smashed on the first night' or something classy like that...
What do y'all think?

So you're back in atlanta huh?

Im in Atlanta, my laptop is on deck with a solid internet connection, I'm gonna be going to Georgia State in the fall and I feel good.

I miss a lot of people that were close to me and even those that weren't that close to me but I liked alot. Since everything is eventual and this world isn't that big I'll just catch them on the flipside. I feel really positive about a lot of things, because it's kind of like I lost weight/baggage by the change of scenary. A lot of things are coming into perspective and I really want to sort and just be ready to expand, I've got an interview on the horizon and I'm nervous. I like to feel that If I tell people around me that I’m going to do it, then shit…I have to do it. I like the pressure it puts on. A lot of that is going on right about now. I know that I’m going to do it I just feel so on edge and off kilter because I’m so impatient and want it now!

In my quest to be "young fresh to death" I've got nothing but hot ass sneakers, polo boots and sport boots. I need a 'regular person shoe' but I still want to be me and not just another, so I really think chelsea boots are the way I'm going to go.

Jumping up and down/doin' it isn't my main priority I mean I'm not that lursty but it is on my mind. The last time I was home was new years and I spent it with my boy Lloyd and his two brothers. We ended up at the blue flame where I met young ralph and this cute ass girl named 'kim'.

She was there with her girls and it was all cool. We talked from there and shes 22ish has kids and talks real funny on the phone. Due to me only being home for a hot minute and her working and shit, the one time I went to see her we never could really 'kick it' like we were supposed to. I say all that to say I'm debating on whether or not to call her, but I most likely will....

The rule of three

I really don't know what the fuck is wrong with me... I mean it's no secret I like the hunt and the chase a whoooole lot more than I like the kill. Even though the kill is fluckin swheat and I tire of the bullshit of the hunt sometimes , I still love the hunt....Anyways, I switched sim cards from my trusty Sidekick LX I've had since like Jan. 2008 to my Iphone and I was going through my trash can. My trash can is where numbers of girls/friends/contacts go and it goes all the way back to the original sidekick, the sidekick 2, and the 3 to the LX! So I've got 110 girls numbers in here and when I meet a girl I write a little bit of info about them after we meet because...

A.They might have a super common name like Krystle or Kiki

B. I really might not remember what they look like or what they were talking about so I try to right something about her.

C. If I ever wanna pass the number off to one of my bros (kind of fucked up but the call is like..

Girl : Didn't you have on them blue jeans and white shoes?

Lloyd: Yeah that was me....

Girl: I remember you now

99% of the time it works half the time

D. If I ever wanna try and spark something up after a long hiatus I can call and jog her memory
So I was looking through all these numbers and reminiscing and thinking about how many girls I just jumped with a couple times and just never really flucked with like that again. It's like I only want to jump up and down with girls like a few times then it's like I want "new new". Even girls who've got that "pure brita water filter juice" I still want the new hotness...

every night is valentines, every day is christmas!

With valentines day right around the corner there's all this pressure to have a valentine...I feel like if I don't, then I'm some kind of loser. I've got plans to see Jason on friday with this lursty 18 yo chick I met. I don't really see doing too much with her besides seeing the movie then getting the 'pure brita water filter juice' so yeah...(the movie is terrible and she showed up with her gay/metrosexual best friend. I asked him "What movie you gonna see? We're seeing jason" During the movie her and that dude wouldn't shut the fuck up! I mean they were talking so much even black people were like "damn they talk a lot!" I walked out during the movie on her, and she txted me "what happened lol" I txted "lose my number lolcopter") then I proceeded across the street to drink ciroc until I was telling girls "take that, take that"

On the big day itself I don't really have anything set in stone. Omari said I could be her "unofficial valentine" and we can do something on sunday, "Chrissy" (the closest thing to a GF) hasn't really flucked with me as hard as she used to since I stood her up to go out with the fellas. (Which I really can understand cause if I was ironing my clothes to see a chick I really wanted to see and she called me at the last minute canceling to go to the club, I'd be all kind of hot about it). A girl "Gem" I went out with before and had/have(?) a huge crush on said she might wanna do something on saturday and she'll call me on saturday afternoon, but I told her "I'm gonna need something a little more concrete than that." Fuck I look like waiting around for a call that may or may not come? Most likely I'll go over "arychtexas' house and chill with him his beautiful daughters and his wife, watch movies and tell jokes. Sunday I'll probably be geeking out all day.

A streetkid named Desire

Omari calls me saying she's tryna roll out and since we haven't seen each other since last year we should meet up. So being the weekend n***a that I am we agree on a place to party tonight.

I mean I've been looking forward to going to this little hood ass club all week. After going out with some pretty boughy scene ass model chicks I think I needed a good old regular chick. I hit up H&M to get this sweater when I tried it on this girl was like
"that sweater makes you look gay"

That can't be all bad right? so with my sweater for the night I picked up my freshly cleaned earrings from the jeweler and went to get ready. My dog Smitty stays like 20 minutes away and he was tryna roll, so I call at like 6 tellin him what the plan is that I'm gonna shower and head over to get him cause I'm tryna be there at 11pm cause it's free before then and plus I'm meeting Omari and her friend up there...
So I'm out the door at like 9:30 to pick him up and I get to his crib at like 10. This dude opens the door and he's just getting out the shower! I'm like "Smitty what the fuck!" and I look in the living room and see and ironing board and I'm hot because he's always been inconsiderate of time, I'm the same way my damn self sometimes but I still hate it when it's my time thats being wasted. What made me even more hot was he was like "The clubs not going anywhere, we're gonna get there at like 11:30 and the same hoes are gonna be in there!" So I'm cussing him out and we talk about how he's only got Bill Bellamy to compare himself to for blind dating purposes while I've got Billy Blanks(?), Young Joc, Mase, Charles from Diary of a mad black woman, the dude from save the last dance, malik yoba,derek luke and anyone else who just happens to be a dark skinned actor/entertainer. Bill Bellamy and Soulja Boy

We get on Hen and Redbull (which suprisingly has no alcoholic taste, I mean it really just tastes like redbull) and finally head out after he took so long and we get in there and I see Omari and introduce Smitty to her friend who my first impression of her was that she was pretty in the club cause she's bright and has big titties and a waist like a pencil, but the make up didn't really suit her, I mean it looked like she works at MAC and OD's.

So we're talking and stuff and right behind her is fucking Jaguar Paw in the flesh. It turns out that they had somehow met each other the night before, which suprised the hell out of me.. I mean now I know how George Costanza felt...But they hit it off really well and it made me remember how small this world is sometimes.


I hadn't seen her since like last year and it was crazy cause I was txting her earlier in the day about her being "to cool for the nightlife". But her body is still like a shotgun and she still has got my nose a little bit open.
The club was bananas I almost got the business in a female bathroom stall before a bartender cockblocked me saved me, I felt kinda bad cause I was kinda all about fucking with Omari and Jaguar Paw so I made sure me and Smitty had the floor on lock.

So it's all going good till about 3 am when they bring out a breaksfast bar and it was all downhill from there. Me, omari and JP and that MAC'd out chick crush it.

Then Omari starts spazzin out from mas bebida (thats french for too much to drink) and gets too her car and tosses her cookies, smitty drops his iPhone in the vomitus and that ruins his night, MAC chick lost her purse in the club and JP ghosted out.

So I make it home at about 4 and crash knowing I have to be to work at 530. I wake up and pick up my phone and look at it and I see Lloyd's number in a call and I put it to my ear and say hello and I hear

"Andre get your black ass to the ship they're about to mark you UA (unauthorized absence=big trouble)"

I look at the time 8:21 and see all sorts of txts from my suoervisor and I'm like shit, two sticks of trident and I'm out the door flying to work. I get there and I'm good to go or whatever and the first question my boy asked me was "was it worth it"
fucking right it was

But beyonce says to do it!

It's crazy the people you meet in bars... "omari" a fellow scorpio had her birthday on the 12th, so of course she wanted to go out on Friday!

We went to Guadalajara's which I haven't been back to since going there with "Jazzy Girl" on Cinco de Mayo *shudder* anyways, she met these two chicks (the other chick would always disappear and then reappear outta nowhere) and this one dude while waiting for me to get there.

They were cool as shit and right off the back I told this chick she looked like Meadow Soprano...

Then things got kinda weird, they took us to this bar in this hotel their friend 'tended at and told me and "omari" like "We can go here and drink free yada yadda..." So we get to the bar and say our what's up and get ready to order and "omari" is like..

"can I get a skyy screwdriver"

Bartender tom : ugggh *visibly disgusted by her choice of vodka* We don't carry skyy, we have absolut, I could make you something with a quality vodka.
(in my mind I was like WTF!!! I'd use both of those to clean wounds and bomb establishments in riots...they're both shitty vodkas, fuck are you really saying man!)

So after he got over his initial rudeness, he turned out to be a pretty cool, though catty as a mufucka but cool nonetheless, he had us gone off these shots he was makin and this magical iced tea liquor called "firefly" which I'm strongly thinking about endorsing in my reality show airing on Oxygen in the near future.

So our belly's are full of liquor and bartend tommy puts a black leather check binder in front of us....

???

Now I'm not a cheap guy and I have no prob paying for my shit, cause I damn sure was drinking it, but y'all were kicking it to me like shits on the house. So I peep the bill and it says...

$6.25

For five people drinking copious amounts of alcohol the charge was only $6.25... I can get jiggy with that shit, so I threw in $6 and so did pretty much errbody else. So I see dude open up the lil book and make a face like "oh is that all...."

After that we ditched them in this tavern in downtown va beach, went to Ihop and dissected that rude bartender for being a ungrateful douche, and skipped outta Ihop before our food came, saw a cool statue...

talked about her plans for "bronze-ing" her hair ala J.Lo...

Just enjoying being young and being alive/winehoused!

Saturday was chill, I spent it morningtime playing Gears of War 2 over the "McCain 2012 wireless network" which is how we connect our sexbox 360's from my shop to my buddy from rhode island's shop...No wires... very nice!

Went to Arychtexas's house and got treated to a belated/heartfelt dinner of delicious chinese cuisine over talks of gays right to marriage, and the morality of abortion.

Was supposed to meet "omari" at my official downtown norfolk spot, entourage. But she stayed in the popular clear bar Scotty Quiks...So I went out with Lloyd and the club was full of square ass dudes, so we shut it down...

Highlights include, but are not limited to...

*dancing with a this one chick for about 5 solid reggae songs, I'm talking dick "harder than termite teeth", passa passa grinding , booty grippin, dick grabbing, face to face "dancing"... so I shoot for the number chick is like "I'm married" LMAO

* Pulled a white chick who's an alleged music producer of some sort and during the "club courtship" I asked her to dance. This chick proceeds to combine mitsubishi commercial girl, elaine benice's "little kicks" dance, Cameron Diaz's charlie's angels "booty dance" and the official white girl "hands on the knees "teabag" /drop it down low- then bring it back up" all into a smorgasbord of akward terrible, terribleness. Then she started waving her arms and doing that hold your hands by your head and snap your fingers then like snake your head and neck (hard to describe but y'all know what I'm talking about!) Black girls are looking at me like "look at this Seal/Charles from madea ass nigga here!" dudes are giving me "commiserating looks" that say "You gotta do what you gotta do!" but I'm winehoused and slighty lursty so I just pull her to me and we do my dance...

* like the title says I think Beyonce only wants the girls to "pat their own weaves" Apparently it's frowned upon when a guy does it! I'm dancing with this light skin chick with a head full of "cherokee/apache/spanish heritage" and following Bey's words: Cooling off, watching her walk, touching our heels/toes. Then I pat her weave and chick spazzes thee fuck out! Kinda assholeish..but still LMFAO

Lursty and Lurstier: How lloyd met andre pt.1

I thought all there was in maine was... -people who said "baaa","caaa" and "bia" instead of bar,car and beer.
-Lobster

- white people.


I was partly right. Anyways we went there for Lobsterfest 06 in rockland, maine. A real small town and it was pretty crazy. Just showing up in the uniform got free lobsters and free drinks. I mean I'm sitting down after ordering drinks and the waitress is like "somebody ordered you a lobster and said thank you...." I get it and it's a fuckin lobster on a plate!

I'm scared to even touch this shit! So I play it cool and look at the other people eating thiers and follow suit.

Since rockland is such a small town, our huge warship can't pull in, so we have to take a ferry to and fro. The last ferry leaves for the ship at like 1:45 and if you miss it, you're SOL till like 9am the next morning. Now in a town like this there's always one spot that the youth go to. It's called the time out pub. At the time me and lloyd really weren't that cool, even though we worked together, cause the word on him was that his breath was on BROIL 24/7 and he needed to gargle with paint thinner and throw a match in his mouth! I mean we hung with mutual friends and with him hearing how I get down we just ended up going out together (the buddy rule was in effect).



So after walking to the main attraction in the town which was a Wal-Mart, and just drinking most of the day, We end up in the "Time Out Pub" which was to the 20-somethings of rockland like "The Maxx" was to Zack and the Gang. So I meet a real sexy white chick with "that baa caa bia" accent and we're just grinding away, hands goin where they please, whispering in the ear, lap dancing, kissin.... I knew for sure I was jumping that night. So the club closes and we're walking outside, I see lloyd and he sees me with chick and he knows what time it is... when all of a sudden chick sees some dude she knows and is like "OMG" and runs to him with a full body hug...



WTF!!!!!

So Lloyd sees this and I know I've got a stupid look on my face.


I know I must look even stupider when they walk off together for the parking lot.... My lurst is an inferno inside of me that refuses to not be quenched! I've gotta feed the flames somehow. It's about 1:40 when I get a call from my dog smith saying...


"Aye, where you at? You gonna miss the last ferry!"


Me: damn, it left yet?


"Yeah, I'm on it now... it's leaving now"


Me: FUCK........


With our two lursty protagonists stranded in the middle of anytown USA, with a chance at "sunshine enchantment" lost and "closing time" playing in the background. No way to get home, and a hotel out of the question. Whatever will they do?To be continued in..... Lursty and Lurstier 2:

until then some of the only surviving pictures of my lobsterfest experience

Pic Tails 2 point oh!

After a night of wine up in Club Xtreme, I recouped all day eating 1 lb Rotis, drinking mango juice, walking the beach and getting caught in a squall!

So my uncle comes to pick me and his bust it baby and Saskiya,Perpetua and Jonella to go back to his house to spend the night. So already my mind is reeling with possibilities of debauch with this coolie goddess! I mean even now thinking about her...damn!


I didn't mention this before but it's crazy as hell to look at this AZN girl, who talks, and dances like a carribean born for truth!

Anyways, we get back and eat and chill for about 25 minutes before Perpetua gets ready to leave...
???
It turns out she's got to be to work the next day at 8 am...So she leaves and I'm like fuck! So I go on the comp and just chill with Saskiya who I find out is Miss Personality and as she says "I got no shame" but not in like a whorish way, she just says what's on her mind and is cool as fuck for her age...She schools me on japanese and white queens of the dancehalls, lingo, (they don't say "Im going there" they say "I forward there") dropping dead, jump and splits and passa passa! I let her know how it goes down and some crazy shit in the states. Then Jonella comes in and sits on the other arm of the chair and we talk about how she misses Guyana and she feels bored and stuff. So she kinda starts stroking my "fake waves" and I just keep it cool. So we all shower, and sit in the living room watching "Kidulthood" and Jonella is like draped over me on the loveseat and I'm rubbing her legs, but not really like heavy petting cause Saskiya was right there on the other couch not really blocking per se, cause if I really wanted to set some slick shit up (they were sleeping in the same bed), I could've did it on the sly. But I didn't(?) and just went to sleep with a dick harder than termite teeth.

The next day we went to this beach called Sam Lords / Sharks hole.




The dude was a pirate who never sailed he just built a castle, set up fucked up warning lights so when the ships would crash, he'd just loot the shit outta them! The tide was hella high but we all swam and I climbed up the rocks and jumped off the "cliffs" into the cool blue water.





It's crazy how people were lookin at us, I don't know if it was my cowboy hat or seeing a coolie, a AZN, a black man and a mexican walking together in harmony. But everywhere we went girls would screw up their faces for reals at the site of Saskiya and Jonella. We came back and me and Jonella just fooled around, but not too tough cause Saskiya was always around. I'm not really even trippin too too hard cause Saskiya is cool as fuck.

The funny thing my uncle's bust it baby was tryna stay the night again (she's married and doesn't work and the two girls aren't her husbands) but my Uncle said "hell nah" to that. So I got to make out with my first ever ALT AZN right before they left and it was pretty swheat!

Why do fools fall in like?

The few people who know me know me, know I'm a sucker for love and a beautiful woman... they also know I wear my heart on my dunks... Meaning I've got big like for a lot of girls. But quickstrikes come out all the time, and some I most definitely have to have and some I have to let pass for one reason or another.

I came down here to Barbados to chillax, kick it, and work on my tan but I fucked around and fell in like with a gal. I don't know whether it's her accent, her swagga or just her being a coolie and my lurst for them. But she's got it... Now my rational mind knows that when I get back to norfolk, there's Jaguar Paw who I think I would chase till the cows come home, and I'm not even a pepe le puex ass dude...While I'm there chasin' she'll still be here and some smooth talking rude bwoy will be bustin her down, and he'll probably be light skinned with green eyes too just to spite me!
But for now, I damn sure can and am enjoying it while it lasts for reals!


and pic tails is coming so y'all will find out the deal reals...

The baby

This is a situation that occured at the begining of 07 but started around august of 06... I met a girl, and she really was all about me, I mean all about some me. So I can't even stunt, it went scraight to my head. So the first night I go over there I miss the obvious signs like...

1. her ducking and hiding when her door opened (we were in her complex parking lot)

2. her refering to school very vaguely


So were outside chillin' on my car and then she's like let's go to the side of my house where I look at the stars. *wink wink* So we go over there and start messing about, and before the lurst completely took over I had the prescense of mind to run to my car, dick harder than termite teeth and get a mag... So we jump up and down outside and when I finish and pull out I see just a ring of plastic around the shaft lookin like my dick hulked out of the condom. then she says I feel it dripping down my leg!

This can't be happening to me!

So after that I freak out and get reassured by all my friends that she's probably not pregnant and i'm just freaking out. So I actually talk to her talk to her about this shit cause it's serious as hell to me, and I come to find out she's 18, and got kept back because of a earlier pregnancy, and her father is like a assistant pastor of thier church...

So my ship goes on a surge to nowhere from late august to december and it's a perfect distraction, untill I check my mySpace and she's send me a message like

I know you got other shit goin on but I'm pregnant call me when you get a chance.

So thanks to Rych with his wishy washy advice I go against my better judgement and call, I ask her scraight up if she's sure.. and she says she's a gazillion percent sure...and I BS about goin over there, untill the drop date comes and I lose my nerve. I've got her family blowing up my phone "You should be here, she's having your baby! yada yada yada"

I don't show up at the hospital till like 9 and I see the baby and feel...






Nothing.
Nothing at all.

So for about a month after that I foster a "hate" relationship with her and the baby and her parents. I told my fucking mom and she in turn told my grandmother! I hated driving the 30 mile drive through a tunnel and over a bridge to see them. I hated faking like I cared for that child. I mean I was really having some dangerous thoughts concerning that child and that really scared me, and that's a lie they made me feel good to think about. I was scamming on her much more attractive sister every time I went over there (which made me feel like a piece of shit!) I even hated fucking her cause she'd put the baby to sleep and play fight with me 'till I was aroused...I even forsaked my lifestyle to buy a thing where the baby lies down and hit all this shit with lights and sounds and shit and a swinger / rocker.
So going out to sea was a perfect escape for me, until one day her dad is like you still haven't signed the birth certificate yet... So I tell him "I dont know if I should because the child may not be mine!"

So I get a child support summons after a escape from reality at sea... and that's reality in my face! I always saw the child as a ball and chain, a A 18 YEAR BALL AND CHAIN! So I go to the building and in front of her family deny paternity and get the test.

So we get DNA testing done and the results get to her before they do me, I get a text hella early in the morning saying "It's not yours,don't tell my parents!"





I had the right of mind to cuss her and her high and mighty mom out and her holier than thou dad, and last but not least this pirate whore from whore island who atried to pin this viscious lie on me! But my homegirl stopped me and said "she's 18 with two kids by two different dudes, what more can you do!"

Here's about 4000 words

I can't believe I still have some of these pics, I mean these are like sidekick 3 old!


Anyways this is me lookin' like BOLD lettering with a french girl I met in Rockland, Maine during slut Lobster Fest 2006.




This is this dude Wright we went to the club with getting mollywhopped by some cops for gripping up an old lady and freaking the hell out. I knew he liked to smoke weed, I didn't know he got wet though. But other than that lil' hiccup the night was of the yazabah.



That's me communicating in robot, during our surge to nowhere '06