Blowing it... It really sucks

Right now it's 1:17 and she just left... Going over the recap of the night in my head...It's like watching the dude in 'I love you man'...(if you haven't seen it click here the dude is just so fucking awkward.) Well maybe I wasn't that awkward, but shit. When people tell me stories like this the first thing I do is shake my head and be like "Damn man why didn't you just ________ "(insert smooth shit).

I mean why the fuck did we leave my house at 12:50 to go get a milkshake? Am I addicted to them? Do I have to have them? Why did I suggest we leave my warm house, brave the cold, for a fucking milkshake! So what the movie ended abruptly, that should've been a plus.. All I had to say was what do you want to do now? (or something like that) Why the fuck can't I say the things I think of now, when I should of said them?

"I'm so glad I don't have class in the morning"

Me: So you can get a early jump on the day right?

"Yeah right..."

Aside from being the only one to blame... Well not really, I mean I'm always talking about how girls should make the first move and all this shit, and I know you like me, so it's kind of your fault too! I mean you could of just torpedoed my agenda but you didn't.

The worst part of blowing it to me is the 'what ifs'. What if you didn't bumrush her out of your house to get milkshakes you didn't even get? But if if was a fifth we'd all be drunk right?

The other worst part is what she's gonna tell her friends, not that I care what they think but shit, I don't wanna be any variation of 'Let me tell you about this nigga here...' unless it's related to jumping up and down or doing something very cool/brave/sexually noteworthy.

One part of me is like 'you're a cool dude, y'all had a good time, the conversation was good, y'all laughed, enjoyed a movie and ended the night. Heck, you guys even made plans to go to frightfest! Not every girl wants to have sex after hanging out and she probably respects you even more because you're a gentleman and not tryna zoom a zoom zoom in her boom boom. You don't have to take your clothes off, to have a good time. Remember?

The other part is like "You're never gonna see her again. Will she even take your calls/txts or give you the eternal runaround?" Plans to go to frightfest? It's gonna be you, her and whatever guy she's seeing. Good conversation? That was you talking your way in, and right back out of the coochie. She came over with no draws, tells you she doesn't have class in the morning AND when she was getting in her car sighing with disappointment, She gave you a side hug and told you...

"Maybe we'll do this some other time"

Me: I'll see you then, or I'll see you on another time..."

"What?!?!"

First off you quoted a movie she hasn't seen...FAIL So what she told you translates to:

"Leave me the fuck alone you 'friend zone bastard', I look like Monica and smell like old people and you could've been all up in this! But since you can make me laugh and you know about fashion and stuff, you can either be my BFF or 'that guy who I only call to tell my guy problems to!"

You gotta read between the lines! We don't have to take our clothes off to have a good time? GTFOH

Damn I blew it.

I fucking blew it... What do y'all think happens next.

Right now I'm on the precipice of a my future. I'm about to make a decision that will affect my life positivly but I fear that I'm making the decision out of fear and reluctance to change. I know that it's the easiest choice to make but I mean fuck it. Admittedly I'll be sacrificing the best years of my life but you only live twice right. I'm not one to lay on the mysterio act so by the end of the week I'll let y'all know what's up...but with some shit like this anchoring my brain, the only thing I could do is go shopping, put on some new threads and go out with my bros and do some partying.

Butterfly Effect

Maybe lina is right, (which she's not) but this might've been the butterfly effect catalyst that influenced my predisposition to exotic females/clear girls... Far from being a young berg ass dude though... I don't discriminate, I ejaculate

Saw Red

I can't really imagine how it must feel to be heartbroken/dogged/played by someone I really cared about. I mean my friends say I'm a sucker for love/a woman is gonna be my downfall but whatev.... I listen to "My foolish heart"-Jazmine S. and "Doin' Time"-Sublime sing about it and I'm just like damn....

I'm 23 years old and I can say I've never been in love, I've been in like a few times and the last time it left me listening to "Just Friends" Amy Winehouse on repeat and feeling like shit for a spell. So When I listen to "Kiss me on my neck" Erykah B., I'm like that's all I want. I mean I'm tired of telling girls what they wanna hear and having them feel "some kind of way about me" when I know damn well I can't reciprocate. I can wear a mask but that shits not real at all. I think I just like the feeling of being around a girl who likes me but that feeling only lasts so long. My bro used to tell me fucking with all sorts of girls gets boring after awhile...It does and it doesn't. I want one girl to hold me down but at the same time variety is nice too...

So what exactly does a space cowboy do?

I'm sitting here at this 5 year high school reunion at applebees enjoying a scrumpcious scrawberry milkshake, and waiting on my hot wings when it suddenly hits me...I don't really care about most of these people/what they are doing right about now...Maybe this has to do with my loaner tendencies in high school I don't know, I'm just a "sometimes ass history major wannabe" not a sociologist. But a few people I recognize by name and it's cool to see them doing good but there's some who's face looks very familiar and they come up to me saying

"Hey Andre what's up?"

Me: heeeeey you! It's been awhile...you...Damn, What been up big dog / girl?

I think this covers me for my 10 year and 15 year and so on and so forth. I might go to the 20 year just to see who ages well...

I'm fresh as hell though and some girl came up to me and was like "Dang you got cuter cute since high school! Let me find out..."

I dont know whether thats Self Esteem +5 or -10

One thing I do know is the most prettiest girl in school is still the most prettiest girl out of school....*zing*

Am I just a "weekend *i***"

It's a vicious cycle... One wants to be my girlfriend and I'll tell her what she wants to hear all the while I want another but the other is with some duck ass blow pop dude who lets her go out every weekend and do whatever she pleases like she doesn't look good out here, and theres not guys like me out here!

Normally I'm not one to Dr.Phil with these girls out here (I'm lying, I kind of enjoy phone boning, it's all part of the hunt which I love) but she'll be venting about how he pisses all over the toilet seat and won't wash out the tub when he's done and about his dick... (I'm not gonna front like I'm a jake steed or anything but I've been told I've got a pretty big dick, so when we first 69'd she was kinda like in awe of how the piercing would feel and when we danced she was all about feeling it, so when we finally did jump up and down she was all like "I felt opened up, and I was so used to his size and when me and my BF did get going it would most likely pop out.")

Now I feel like that dude hearing this but even though it's good to hear I know she'll never stop fucking with dude no matter how good my penis is, and as much as I hate it, my homegirl was right, I'm just a "weekend nigga".

I'm witty and have been told I'm funny, I look fresh and am well put together when she sees me, I always smell like Lacoste Red, Sex Panther or John Paul Gaultier, I can dance, and I'm cool as fuck to be around... my homegirl says "You're like a weekend in vegas, you wanna go there once in awhile have a good time and get crazy but you don't wanna live there!"

Rats...

The King of Silence

For reals this week has already shaped up quite terribly... and if something happens later on down the line, I will look at the 23rd of september and rue that day!

-Slush fund...running low...1st of the month, $250 awaits me WTF?

-Because I'm feeling vulnerable, I asked some of the girls I've been talking to scary questions and got back some scary answers...some questions remained unasked because the answer is written all over their face, and of course some ?'s are better left unsaid.

-That accident with that fuckboy from maryland, raised my damn insurance rates. The chick who was in the car had the nerve to get out after I hit him and was like
"you should slap his ass"
I'm not a fighting' type dude, but I've been hitting the gym. Plus we were on the strip (Va Beach main strip) at about 10:30. I would've worked his slouch sock with the b-boots,bubble vest wearing, Go-Go music listening ass in front of everybody.

-On that gym note, I've lost 23 pounds! I felt it, but didn't really notice it until all my jeans and uniforms were hella loose, and people at work were askin me if I was on crack! I feel good though, I haven't been this in shape since ashley / jacksonville.
My secret is a super unhealthy diet of fasting, drinking shit tons of water and eating tortillas and salsa. But the downside of that is I've always got that "Mccain-itis", I work my arms and shoulders so much and don't scretch I can barely raise my arms to my face or above my head. The upside of that is that the next chick I jump up and down with I'm gonna short-short long the shit outta her!

-Speaking of jumping up and down , I set me and lloyd up for friday, with the girl I met at last weeks wack ass house party and her best friend. With gas around here like $105 a barrel, I'm glad she's all about some Dre and coming through. It sucks she leaves on the 30th cause she's cool, keeps it real and she's got those bratz DSL's and a body like a shotgun *bang bang y'all*

-Speaking of body like a shotgun, I talked to my light skinned ace for a hot minute and he asked about JP, I told him wha gwan and he was like...

"She's gonna let you keep going out with her and when you try to see whats up with it, she's gonna be like y'all are just friends or just play you to the left. Leave it alone!"

Is it good advice? I don't know..but even though I don't think she'll do me like that, I'm no bologna sandwich either and I just stay woke.

- "It's true that you can't turn a hoe into a house wife, Well listen shorty maybe I don't want a house wife.
They say that you a freak I'm thinking that they bout right, cause that pussy's so good and your mouth tight"

That song describes this girl Tundra, a certified toss up I'm considering talking to perfectly. Lloyd advised me...

"She's a smut and If you kiss her you kissing my dick blah blah blah, you better not take her out etc. You better hit in a week or you flawed."

I feel like I get down too. I mean I'm a single guy. I do what I please and I wouldn't want some chick throwing that shit in my face (even though girls secretly like that). To me that whole past shit is just that... I'm 22 gonna be 23 in november, I been outta high school for a minute, I could give two shits about that bullshit. Now if I'm tryna marry the girl it would fuck with me a bit in certain situations, but it wouldn't change how I saw her if I was really feeling / loved her. I don't wanna get married but this girl Tundra is beautiful and from central america or so she says, so I'll see what happens with that. Who knows, maybe instead of a good girl who does freaky things that wants to play fuckity fuck fuck games, a scraight freak is what I need...

Am I a sucka ass dude for that? I mean fuck it lets get vulnerable right?

A lil 2L;2R but Enjoy your weekend and the debate!