Trouble Man

I hate being in a situation where I know I'm in trouble. I mean trouble feels like it just sits in the pit of my stomach for reals. And it's like I'll go through the day wondering how I'd be reacting to certain situations if I wasn't in trouble. Like I can laugh at a funny joke and smile and all that, something might happen to make me feel good and I'll feel good for a moment but in the back of my mind.. It'll always be there reminding me of what happened.
To make a long story short, I left last night when I wasn't supposed to leave and while I was gone someone was looking for me, and this morning I got confronted with it and I tried to hit em with the nut role, but I got it flipped on me. So now I'm getting talked to by a woman who has looked out for me and is very maternal in her mannerisms and doesn't swear and has looked out for me before. I mean I'd rather she'd yell than just talk you know? But again I'm in a situation where I have to explain my actions, and even though I've got no room to be angry at anyone but myself, it is frustrating being asked questions like "What were you thinking?" "Do you even care ?" and the follow up to that which had me scratching my brain "Why do you care?" and she kept repeating that "I just want to know why do you care?" and I don't know what to say to that at all. I mean what the fuck do you say to that?